PANIC.

I’m dying inside with jealousy and madness.

I can’t imagine your laughter and excitement over another man walking thru your door.

How your eyes would twinkle and how your smile would be from ear to ear.

I can’t imagine that energy being towards another other than me.

I have tears of fear and loneliness that I never want to experience again.

My body is in a state of angst thinking that there’s a chance I might never see or hear from you again. I’m panicking beyond belief that I’ve lost you forever. And your heart will be with and for another.

Never to be able to hold or love you. Never be able to smell and touch. Never be able to laugh and play. Never be able to bond and share. Never be able to be real. Never be able to be me with you and u with me.

I can’t imagine my life not with you. You are me and I’m you.

I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry for making you have doubt. I’m sorry the way I treated you during the holidays. I’m sorry for not making you feel like your are my number one. I’m so sorry for so many things.

I pray that you are willing to try.

I can’t imagine your life with another or my life with another after the bond we’ve shared.

I love you jan. Whatever happens please never ever forget that.

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