She is mine- Grieve right

Dearest Husband,

These are the last words I will write to you as your wife, your Melody. She misses you so much. She misses the old you, the one you pretended to be for those short few weeks of remorse. She cried for you. Believe me- tearing her from my body cost me everything, she clung to your heart far longer than anyone ever will again. She told me to tell you, that she loves you. With her dying breathe, she begged me to let her stay. She believed you would be back, she believed you made a mistake. You were, after all, her man that can’t be moved. I held her hand and explained to her that she didn’t have a purpose anymore- her life was over and even though you will never truly grieve her, I would. I would grieve her innocence; her naïve belief that you would be all she needed; her hope that your face would light up once more for her the way her heart lit up for you.

She apologies.

A lot.

For not pushing you for answers more. For letting you get comfortable in a lifestyle she couldn’t maintain. She hoped for so long for your hands, your lips, your scent (that to her was pure love) and your endless words. Those words that made everything seem fine.

Between us, I considered reviving her because you had almost convinced me that your words of apology.

Of love.

Of pain.

Of regret.

Words that were possibly true. My eyes flickered toward her grave. She was finally resting but I knew the possibility of your regret could warm her heart back to life. My fingers reached out lightly and touched her resting place. “Melody, I think his heart is searching for yours” I whispered. The layers of loss surrounding her shiver with my gentle whisper. I haven’t touched her yet, but I feel like her heart (that was only yours) could feel my words. I knew that I made a promise to her- I would protect her resting place. I would always protect her. She is mine.

Then came through your truth, maybe not true words but your true ability to hurt her. Your words. I read them and my heart triumphant in joy that I did not raise her from her peace. I kept her safe, from your selfish and cruel actions. Your suffocating selfishness could not reach her gentle loving soul. As you put forward words that would have torn her heart apart- I stood before you, with the strength of my new eyes and thanked every guiding star that your truth could no longer touch her.

She was my beauty, my innocence, my hope. I watched her give you everything. Her childlike beauty and innocence led her to beautiful people, but her heart kept her tied to you. You severed her rope to you. You saved me. I was dying inside her. You saved me. I carried her bruised and battered body and whispered actions of comfort till she breathed her last breath to me. You see, I promised her- like I did when she was with you and she refused to leave her love behind- that I would take care of her; that life would be better. That I would live. A life worth living.

Her eyes welled up. I wiped them away. “Melody my sweetest darling, rest now. This too shall pass”

To those who read this letter I ask you this, we are led to feel that people should mourn us. That people who have hurt us should one day feel the regret of their choice. My challenge to you is this: grieve for yourself. Grieve the part of you that you have lost in your relationships with those around you. It is okay to clap for yourself and cry for yourself. Maybe if we learn to grieve ourselves we can learn to let go of the hurt faster. We can stop waiting for others to “regret losing us” or “feel the pain they have caused us”. Grieve yourself. Love yourself. Heal yourself.

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