Silent Suffering. {Poem}

Sunshine, Water, Earth, Fire
A Summer breeze with ravenous desire.

Thai scent & wet season rain,
Trickle feeds like a cunnulingous vein.

Manifesting love & heavenly touch
Craving & yearning “I Love You” so much.

Family succession, trying to impress
Social & intimacy leads to repress.

Lonely thoughts wishing to voice
Soulful playmate please raise me some noise.

Hunter & gatherer, provider of all,
father, professional & socially tall.

Connections afar that rarely rest,
Technology dependency manifests.

Conversations & facial presence fade,
An empty & silent bed then is made.

Add tumultuous working life,
I find myself escaping to Paradise!

Hearing reminiscence of past happy years,
Sparks a reality as I hide my tears.

Been a mother, a wife, a provider, a friend,
Yet failure at all I silently defend.

Colleagues & family all raising the bar,
For just once to be your shining star!

To make you happy, smiling & content,
Would mean for me I’m heaven sent!

Hard working & loving & cooking & trying
Why does it end in me always crying?

Damned if I don’t & damned if I do,
Is all I end up hearing from you.

When we’re on it’s damned fucking hot,
I feel like your only & you hit my sweet spot.

You make me happy when you acknowledge & touch
And then I’m left hanging when you don’t do it so much.

So I go about getting busy & lean,
All the while watching you stare at your screen.

I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me
But last I knew a daily “I Love You” was free.

Get more busy & get more friends,
I tell myself that this will mend.

It’s definitely not you, it’s truly me,
So again I swim in a lacklustre sea.

Wanting to be your one & only,
Proudly parading me as your prized show pony.

Maybe I’m dreaming & asking a lot,
But please remind me I’m your sweet spot.

If not my mind wanders & thinks real sad,
Then I get distant & desperately mad.

I’m only a little girl deep down inside,
Wanting acceptance, love & your pride.

I know I’m not alone & all girls feel the same,
Please don’t use my heart for a playful game.

No money needed, just some “us” time,
Is that really such a fucking crime?

Girls will be girls & boys will be boys,
But just a thought here boys,

Think of the beauty that sits patiently waiting,
And who’s who’s taken for granted you really taking…

Clarissa L’fontae

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