Got the post mammogram call back & had to go for ultrasound today – yes sir that was an interesting and sleepless 24 hours. I was able to stay present and not drift into morbid reflection eh maybe 50 out of 250 billion times. “Will I be here next Christmas? Will I meet my next grand baby ? Will I go completely bald ? I’m sure you’re fine – you’re being dramatic as usual. You should have breast fed longer. What will my husband do with all of my books ? He better not just dump them at Goodwill. Will another woman lay here and look at him and listen to him snore ? Does everyone know how much I love them ?“
I went this morning and I cried a little as they showed me the images- this dark cluster of spots and I was afraid. They left me in the room as I waited and I was alone with God. Me and God. It was ok.
But…. I’m good !!!! They were something that makes sense to the doctors and nothing for me to worry about – So now we embrace the girls as the Californians do , and apologize to them for how consistently critical we are of them and for constantly hiding them under turtlenecks and hoodies. #lovetheboobies #loveeveryone #metta
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