Timely: How Fables Prevent Elder Abuse in the Family

I’ll never forget this training I did with a group of Afghan refugee elders. They were suffering after their move to North America because they had not been practically or emotionally prepared for how their role as elders would change once they moved. Their experience was one of shifting identity and at times feeling disrespected in their families and communities. The solution after digging deeper and identifying what values had been eroded, was a fable! In order to rebuild their values and sense of community, they decided to create a shadow puppet theatre show about the reality of elder disrespect and the importance of respect in the family. This puppet show went on the road and has been acted out in front of all Afghan newcomers in their community giving them the tools and confidence to face their new life. I was so moved by the creativity that these elders used to cope with some of the struggles of their lives and their community. I was inspired by the power of story.

This week we are celebrating World Elder Abuse Awareness Day so let’s celebrate the elders speaking up and trailblazing new pathways in our communities. Elder abuse manifests differently in each culture, but it is pervasive globally. It is a reflection of the state of our society as a whole in that it points to some of our core values that have eroded (like respect, kindness and mutual understanding). I am a social innovation leadership trainer who works with diverse cultures to support their efforts to address the social issues they face. This work is one of my biggest joys as it involves both personal, community and system transformation from cultures of exclusion to cultures of inclusion and safety.

What I have found in my work is that the factors that can make an elder particularly vulnerable to this kind of abuse include: isolation; lack information about community services; and no opportunities for meaningful ways to contribute to their communities.  In other words, elders that are socially connected; aware of the dynamics of elder financial abuse and local supports; and are valued members of their communities are more likely to stay safe and healthy.

For those that are taken advantage of by their families, it can be a long road to getting help or finding a solution. Denial and shame can prevent elders from identifying the problem and reaching out for help.  We have found that fables play a unique role in the solution. Fables can be found in every culture and hold powerful teachings and virtues on how to handle every day human problems, like the story of Little Red Riding Hood.

We open up conversations about fables in peer learning environments by starting with elders sharing fables in their own cultures that teach people to be wary of those who might trick or take advantage of them.

You may have heard of the story of the Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing but have you heard about the Monkey and Two Cats or the Fox and the Crow? Or the Afghan wisdom saying to be careful of the tiger in beggars clothing. Stories are human, and fables have a way of diffusing shame and bringing a group together.

Moving past embarrassment and shame, a group can then solve this human problem together. In our process together, they share stories, explore root causes and identify the values that have been eroded. We have learned that some adult children can offer to take their parents grocery shopping and add their own shopping for their family into the bill. Some refugee and newcomer elders share stories of being pressured to sell their homes in their countries of origin so their adult children can buy houses here. However, they are left off the title of the new home and in some cases become vulnerable to homelessness, isolation or expectations to take care of household or childcare tasks 24/7.

The interesting thing is every cultural group we have worked with identifies different core values that have been eroded; however when we look at the tapestry of values together we get a very clear picture of the root causes of elder financial abuse. For example in a Afghan group identified respect in the family; a South Asian group identified gender equality, kindness and caring; a multicultural group identified awareness and empowerment; and a Chinese group identified understanding each other as key values at stake.

When we listen to the stories of those most impacted by elder abuse, together we can identify the values at stake – that’s when the magic starts. Their values become the ingredients they then use to educate others, sharing their stories, insights and teaching.

When we use the lens of values and relationships, it becomes a powerful invitation for all of us to strengthen these values in our relationships with each other and our esteemed elders. Just like the role of ancient fables, these elders have become storytellers with a passion, purpose and essential teachings for all of us.

Jessie Sutherland, MA in Dispute Resolution, is a TEDx speaker, a Leadership Coach and Trainer specializing in social innovation and systems strategies to build cultures of belonging and collaboration to address our most pressing social problems. To contact Jessie, visit www.worldviewstrategies.com

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