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Waves of Love. {Poem}

2 Heart it! Michelle Gean 187
June 18, 2018
Michelle Gean
2 Heart it! 187

Love: As a human, I crave it.

I want to love and be loved for being exactly who I am. I seek the deep connection, nights of laughter, and commitment that comes with love, but often times, I look so hard for that undying connection, it is everything but love.

About a year ago, I took a sabbatical from my job. I needed space for self definition outside the contexts I knew.

As I sat with my boss on my final day, he joked about me traveling the world and coming back in-love, ring-around-my-finger, ready-for-the-next-chapter love. I laughed at his words out of nervousness. I wanted that love more than anything, but I laughed.

Was I capable of such a thing? Am I good enough to be loved?

Little did I know, the love I would find was something completely different from the love I had seen in movies or envisioned in my mind. The love I found was an invaluable understanding of myself, a compassion for the person I am.

I found a lover in myself.

This poem honors the love story that is within each of us:

 

Waves of Love

A year ago

I sat across the desk from his smiling face

The office lights flickered their fake fluorescence

onto our faces

So, a year of travel, huh?

Yep

Going to fall in love?

I answered with a hearty, nervous laugh.

No.

My heart didn’t know love

It knew the pain of being grasped so tightly it couldn’t beat

It knew how to be molded by the hands of its beholder until it didn’t recognize itself

It knew fingers that chose to hold it so loosely it feared being

dropped

broken

shattered

Love and loss flowed in and out like ocean waves pulled by the moon

A natural process of

Letting in and letting go

Constant inflow

Constant outflow

A flow you can either swim with or fight against

But if you choose to fight

It will pummel you

Flip you

Strip you of the ignorance that made you believe you could win

Until you embrace its ebb and flow

The lovers who come and go

The lessons they teach

Without hardening or turning a cheek

The flow is natural

And when the tide flows out

You can choose to take the gems the wave left

Tie them around your neck

And dance in the sun

And as they sparkle, know that regardless of who chooses you

You are the lover your heart seeks.

~

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2 Heart it! Michelle Gean 187
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