What I Learned Returning to Work From Maternity Leave

When my child arrived into this world, I was ecstatic. Being a mother was the greatest job title that I’d ever been given.

The time I spent home with my newborn during my maternity leave, was the best few weeks I could have asked for. That time was spent bonding and resting. The end of this leave came sooner than imagined. I was nervous, guilt-ridden, and honestly even a little excited. My career had been a big part of who I am for most of my life. I worked hard to get where I am now. Following my dreams was important to me, but so was being a mother. My emotions were conflicting.

What I didn’t realize was just how much this transition would take out of me. I did my best to make it through. Although knowing what I know now, I could have done things differently to make this process easier on myself.

It wasn’t just the stress of dealing with my emotions that made returning to work more difficult. It was also the fact that my perceptions of my job had changed as well. I was struggling to put everything I had into the position and it was taking me longer to get back into my comfort zone than expected.

I spent a lot of my days feeling defeated as if I wasn’t good enough. One thing that I couldn’t seem to manage was the amount of guilt I was feeling about leaving my baby with someone else. I spent countless hours picking out the perfect daycare and going for trial runs the week before so my baby and I could become comfortable around the staff members. None of this seemed to calm my nerves, however.

My first week back in the office, I had to resist the urge to call the daycare center every hour to check in. These distractions were taking a toll at work, I felt like my mind was elsewhere and I was slacking in terms of my performance of my position. Days felt longer and work seemed more difficult.

I knew something had to change.

My Lessons

Looking back now, I’ve realized that I was going about everything the wrong way. I’ve learned a few lessons along the way from my experience that I hope can help others going through this transition.

I wish that I knew how important it would have been for me to sit down and talk through my return with my supervisor. When I came back to the office, both he and I were frantically trying to readjust to our team’s workflow. This meeting could have been used to map out how the work would be transferred back to me and what expectations and limitations we would have moving forward. I also never knew how important my human resources department was and I took them for granted.

When I finally met with them, they were incredibly helpful. They walked me through everything that I needed to know and had shamefully never taken the time to learn. They had already set up a private room in our office for other breastfeeding mothers and were able to point this out to me. They also notified me that there were flexible work arrangements that I was able to utilize if I so chose to do. I opted to work Fridays from my “home office,” and it was a serious game changer. I was able to spend an entire day at home with my baby each week, while still getting my work done.

One of the toughest lessons I learned, was that I was beginning to neglect my own self-care without realizing. My priorities were shifting. I had placed all of my efforts into taking care of my baby and focusing on excelling at my career. I had given up all of my hobbies that interested me before, I stopped doing my hair and makeup in the morning, and I wasn’t feeling great about my own body. I wish someone had told me about the importance of this sooner. By the time that I had started to come to this realization, I had already unfairly judged the term “self-care” without realizing the simplicity of it.

Looking back I also realize just how much I needed the help I was being offered, whether I wanted to admit that or not. Friends, family, and coworkers all offered to help in any way that they could, but I was too full of my own pride and determination to get through this that I denied them each time. I couldn’t bear the thought of dropping my baby off every day to someone I barely knew. Even the daycare staff members were always willing to help, but I was having trouble placing my full trust in them. Slowly I began building trust as I was able to see firsthand that my baby was enjoying going there every day. Deep down I knew she was well taken care of, but I was fearful that she would begin to value them more than me. This feeling really only takes time and trust to go away, but I promise it gets better.

My Advice

Eventually, I learned a few tricks that began to help me manage my emotions. If you are reading this and are due to return to work soon, I hope that you can take something useful away from my own lessons.

Reach out to your office staff, they may be able to help you more than you know. They’re the ones who have been through this many times. We are the newcomers to the life of being a full-time working mother. It also helps to plan everything out ahead of time. Between hectic mornings and the full workload, I was losing my mind. Simple efforts each night such as packing my lunch and laying my clothes out the night before saved me time and mornings were running more smoothly.

Once you plan out the best commute to avoid traffic between the house, daycare and the office, do a practice run. Instead of stressing out about the morning commute, try to make it a peaceful time in your day. Placing more time enjoying the little things can make the transition feel less like a burden.

Know that self-care is crucial during this time for your own sanity. I slowly made subtle changes that helped me focus on myself. I went shopping and bought new pieces of clothing that I actually felt good in. Layered clothing options and a decent nursing bra were now staples in my daily style. It starts with my small steps like picking up old hobbies when you have a few minutes or waking up 5 minutes earlier to meditate or read while the baby naps.

My best advice is to take this transition slowly. I always strived for perfection at work and that certainly didn’t disappear when I returned. I still wanted to do my absolute best and charge full steam ahead, but I was struggling to put that full effort in. Pushing myself harder to do more, only slowed me down and stressed me out more. Learning to say “no” to more is important. Alternatively, you have to agree to let others help you more often. They wouldn’t offer if to if it was in any way burdening them or if they didn’t really want to.

By changing my mind frame and allowing myself to adjust to this time in my life slowly, I was able to overcome the challenge of returning to work. I’m still trying to find the appropriate balance between work and home life, but I’ll get there someday and so will you. For now, I’m choosing to focus on being the best possible version of myself in all facets of life while letting go of this idea in my head of being some kind of “super working mom hero”.

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