Each of us comes from our childhood without a true understanding of what an adult life looks like.  We anticipate our future based on life experiences or tv shows, maybe the neighbors family gave us expectations.

The real world rarely meets our youthful thoughts.  We find ourselves thrown into a routine that maybe we expected or feared.  When you wake up one day and look around, you ponder how did I get here?

Sadly, day by day, step by step, choice by choice, today has evolved from choices or decisions made or put off.

Many marry their childhood sweetheart.  As you get jobs, change schedules, move houses and have children, life evolves.  Sickness often develops in one or two or all.  You run the schedule with doctors and kids and schedules, school and family and find yourself not necessarily knowing the person you are married to.

What is the toll of all these changes over a large period of time?

The toll I experienced was divorce.  Sadly, divorce.  I woke one day and realized these life situations have taken a toll and I was exhausted.

Not being mindful of me caused me to be empty.  My evolution to this very page, The Elephant Journal, is a result of my finding myself again.  I have become mindful and have decided exercise, yoga, and my overall care matters.  If I am to provide for those around me I find it’s a necessity for my mindfulness.

Today I look back.  I honestly did not have a valid expectation of adulthood.  I thought I would reach it one day.  Today I do not seek to reach anything.

I ponder those around me and value the relationships I have in this world.  I see this world is a short time until we reach the other side.  The house and streets were here before my grandparents who are now passed on.  My memories of childhood with my dad seem so very long ago as he too has passed on.  I enjoy my mindfulness fully knowing that my heart will be whole today and tomorrow I will do the same.  I have survived sickness and health, children and marriage.  Divorce has come although I did not choose to drift apart.  I appreciate the lessons learned and I like the person I have become.  I do not see loss, I see gain.  A gain in perspective and acceptance of me.   I am no longer seeking to find but enjoying the path.  I suppose I may have a true understanding of adulthood today.