By: Audrey Pilant

I’m Disappointed in Men and I don’t want to be

            I will begin by saying, I know there are men out there who do not have the characteristics of the “men” I am generalizing. I see the men who are their woman’s best friends, and I envy those women who have found that rare man. I want to also say that I am by no means a “man-hater”. I believed in love my entire life, but recently it has gone away drastically. I thought I found the love of my life a couple years ago. I had never wanted to marry a man before, and we cried to each other happy tears that I’ll never forget. However, he left my girls and I and our dog in one night and never looked back. That destroyed my belief in love, yet I built myself back up and tried. All I found was disappointment after disappointment. I figured out that most men are just content in not trying. I have tried to learn about the way men’s emotions work and their minds to help me become a better partner. However, I also asked myself:

“How many men do the same? Are there really as many men out here trying to get into our psyche for the better good?”

            Women watch and go to seminars, read articles, etc. to understand men better so that we can be better listeners, communicators, lovers, and friends. We soul search during the rough times of our relationships, fight until the very end, change as much as we are capable of… until we are left with a broken heart and a loss of who we are. NO, women are far from perfect, and trust me when I say we know that. However, we are emotional creatures who wear many hats and without a doubt do our very best with or without medication.

            Okay, so let us get into why I am so disappointed in men. I am not only talking about my past relationships even though I wish I was. I’m also talking about the posts on Facebook (no I don’t get butthurt too easily) that are degrading single moms from men who have no idea and probably never will what it feels like to be a single parent. This one pisses me off to no end. My ex, long into the relationship, told me his mom was a slut because she had three kids by three different dads. I reminded him that I had two kids already by two different dads and if we had a baby, I would be the same. The way men think about single moms is disgusting to me. Okay, so I’m also talking about the men who are single in their 30’s and 40’s who would rather be single and “do what they want when they want’ (sorry, but I have heard that too much, and the next time I hear it I may throat-punch someone). I’m disappointed in Dads not respecting the Mother of their child when she is an amazing mom and working her ass off to provide. I’m tired of men not trying, not wanting to get to know a woman; because it’s just too damn difficult.

            If I have lost men so far, that’s OKAY…they were not the type of men to understand a woman’s mind anyways. Those of you who have come this far, I respect you. You may be the type of man who is disappointed as well in other men or you may be saying to yourself “I was that type of man” and sitting in your bachelor pad thinking to yourself “if I would have just mowed the grass, or helped her out with the kids, or did the dishes, or showed her a smile and flirted; maybe things could have been a whole heck of a lot different”. At least you’re reading this.

            I’m tired of being disappointed by men in life, I’m tired of trying, and JUST. PLAIN. TIRED. I don’t believe in love anymore, and I was the girl who wished upon a star to bring him back. Now, I am all about me and my girls and any man that comes into our lives will have to be a Step-Dad eventually and my best friend. It sounds pretty hopeless, I know. That’s where I’m at. I’m not searching for my soul-mate any longer. I have simply given up, and just becoming what a man is when it comes to dating – not actually dating at all and just having fun and buying time; time well wasted in the end. 

            It has come to a time in which single guys would rather be single to “do what they want when they want” (feel like punching someone in the throat yet?), while women raise their kids and work too. This is what women want. We want to see sensitivity. We want our man to smile at us. We want to be taken out during the day or night whatever to just get away. We want you to support us while we support you. We want you to just mow the damn grass and do inside chores without us asking. We want you to flirt. We want you to respect us for the mothers we are and the work that we do. We want to hold you and you hold us. We want to laugh  and give each other shit. We want to find our best friend. Us single moms want to accept those single dad’s kids and share a life together. 

            No man is willing to try these days and it’s getting worse. We are going to end up in a modern age in which bachelors live together and single moms are raising their children. Real love is becoming extinct. Real love should be unconditional like a love you have for family. It just doesn’t happen anymore.

“The grass is always greener”

Is it?

Just “mow the damn grass”, and I guarantee it will be worth it with woman you chose to love. She’s still there.