Migraine headaches tend to be the butt end of many jokes regarding marriage and relationships, but if your partner suffers from chronic migraines, you probably don’t see much humor in the situation. Alternately, if you are the one with migraines, we know that you don’t find anything amusing in your pain.

If your partner suffers from chronic migraines, you’ve probably been through a great deal together; sleeping in the guest room because she can’t deal with the noise of your breathing, having him puke on your new shoes, and giving up your favorite perfume/cologne because it’s a trigger.

You might have given up a few things, but I’m betting that you’ve learned a great many things on this journey as well, including patience, your expectations about what love and marriage should be, not to mention, what it really means like to “stand by your man” or woman as the case may be.

As a chiropractor, I have my share of patients who suffer from migraines, as well as their partners who often pepper me with questions as to what they should or can do when their better half is going through hell with a migraine.

While I’m not Google, I do have experience in this area and I would like to share with you what I call the 7 strategies of surfing a migraine.

Strategy #1-Tell Them How You Feel/Listen to Them

Most chronic pain sufferers believe that their partners must get tired of hearing about how they feel unless it’s a sun-shiny day! However, trying to spare your partner from hearing about just how rotten you really feel means that while you are telling them that you are OK, your attitude says otherwise, and they will probably believe that you are angry at them. You don’t have to go all out, just a simple, “I’m exhausted, and I feel lousy this morning” lets them know that it’s not about them.

If you are the partner without migraines, you know how painful these episodes can be, so allow your partner to tell you how they feel without the rolling eyes, without saying “Again?” or anything else negative. Just listen and be there for them. It really is that simple.

Strategy #2-Save It for Later

Unless there is a very urgent need to discuss something that simply cannot wait, leave serious conversations, especially those that would require any type of decision making until the migraine has passed. Your partner really is incapable of thinking clearly and might say the first thing that comes to mind to get you to shut up and get out of the room.

Strategy #3-Vent to Someone Else

You give up a lot when you love someone with chronic migraines, but that doesn’t mean they should be the one to hear about it. Find someone else to vent to about your disappointment/anger/frustration with migraines so your partner doesn’t feel guilty about an illness they cannot control.

Strategy #4-Talk about the Impact This Has on Your Relationship

Chronic migraines can be the elephant in the room of your relationship. Don’t avoid it, talk about it! Yes, it might be uncomfortable, especially at first, but ignoring or pushing those thoughts and feelings away only means that they come back later when you really don’t want them to. See a counselor if you need to.

Strategy #5-Don’t Treat Them Like a Child

The partner who has migraines already feels guilty that you must take over things (housework, bills, childcare) when they cannot or that you miss out on things. Don’t add to that guilt by treating them as if they were children. Don’t bend over backward and stop them from lifting a finger when they are well, let them handle things and take care of business until the time that they can’t.

Strategy #6-Find Support for Yourself

Chances are that your partner has migraine support groups on social media, perhaps through a counselor or therapist, hospitals, even community support groups, but what about you? Who do you vent to? Who do you go to when your partner locks you out of the bedroom AGAIN and you want to scream? Find support groups or even just friends who understand because you are hurting just as much as your partner, only in a different way.

Strategy #7- See That Your Partner Gets Help from All Possible Sources

Many times, those with chronic migraines feel as if they have “tried everything” to stop them or at least minimize them, but keep in mind that new ideas, procedures, and measures are discovered nearly every day! Make it a habit to search the internet for possible treatments or holistic measures that might make a difference. As someone once told me, “Can’t hurt. Might help.”

Natural means you might suggest (if they haven’t tried them yet) include:

• Chiropractic Care – As I mentioned before, not everything works for everyone, but as a chiropractor, I have had tremendous success helping those who suffer with migraines. I’m not tooting my own horn, there are studies to back up the fact that patients who receive comprehensive chiropractic care, including adjustments, physical therapy modalities, chiropractic massage, etc., experience fewer headaches with less severity than those who do not use any chiropractic treatment.

• Acupressure – This is an ancient way of dealing with chronic pain of all types and some people who suffer from migraines have found relief from this alternative means of not only pain relief, but from other symptoms, such as nausea. A 2014 review of studies from 1996-2011 found that acupressure was helpful in stopping pain for a variety of chronic pain issues, including migraines.

• Herbal Remedies – Herbal remedies have been around as long as mankind, but some remain because they work for some individuals. Speak with your doctor first, then consider Feverfew, ginger, and/or magnesium.

Cefaly Headbands – These devices look like something out of Star Trek but seem to work for some people. This is a plastic headband that is worn across the head. A small, battery-operated device puts out a low current through an electrode that touches the forehead. In a small study reviewed by the FDA, subjects who used this device had fewer migraines than those who had a placebo device. It doesn’t eliminate migraines, but it might reduce the number of migraines you have.