What is the role of sex?

Sex outside of work moves to the background. Since my sexual tension is being released on an ongoing basis, since most of my fantasies are fulfilled more or less constantly, activities other than sex become much more important. Quality time. Intelligent, fascinating conversation. Having a nice meal together. Cuddling. It can be alone time with a book, with your favorite shows, or simply with your thoughts. It could also be a conversation with close friends. (My social needs have also changed, I have become a bit more selective and quiet. I don’t want to take part in everything and I often want to rest and recharge my batteries).

The difference between good sex and bad sex

I rarely compare lovers or sexual activities. I’ve become a gourmet-collector of sex; I enjoy the variety of sexual contact with different people. Everyone has their own style, preferences, and ideas on how to spend our sexual time and I like most of these ideas. I enjoy having sex with many different people, because it’s like eating dishes made with many different ingredients. If I were to limit myself to one person forever, I would die of boredom because it would be like eating only potatoes for the rest of my life. Potatoes in various forms; french fries, mashed potatoes, in salad, in soup, baked, with sauce – but they would be every dish I had for the rest of my life. No thank you, I can’t do that. I don’t know what would have to happen if I had to learn how to do that again. I have a different perspective now.

I think it’s often about betrayal; someone in a relationship says they need variety so their partner gets dressed up and they experiment. In the end, however, it’s not about her. She’s fine but she’s still the same person (a potato) and she can’t get away from that.

This was supposed to be about quality, and I’m talking about variety. But I definitely think these two are connected. I no longer categorize people into “good sex” and “bad sex”. I don’t have to, because I’m not tied to one person. I don’t have to choose the best person (potatoes or tomatoes in every form for the rest of my life? What’s better for me?), because I can be guided by mood and appetite. Today it’s this, tomorrow it’s that. This style or that one. This activity or that one.

It’s as if I had meals in many different places, appreciating each one. Today a three-star restaurant, tomorrow a Chinese take-away at the end of the street, the day after tomorrow McDonald’s. My appetite is constantly changing. I have my favorite lovers and together they make up a fantastic experience. I don’t want to compare them to each other, because that would be harmful. I don’t always want a sophisticated chef’s specialty from the most famous place in the city. Sometimes I’m just craving simple, delicious fast food.

A unique experience is not just about the sex itself. After all, the “setting” is also important. Everything that happens during a date is important. The sex doesn’t have to be perfect, I can still have wonderful memories and want more. I can appreciate other aspects of the connection with another person. Our small common rituals. It’s about taking care of me and making me feel pampered. The fact that there’s something special between us. Fantastic discussions on various topics. Cool, non-sexual ways of spending time.

It’s said that sex starts in the brain, not between the legs.