Depression… the silent illness.

It’s something I deal with every single day… There are so many days I wish I could just roll over in bed and sleep my life away, since it doesn’t take long after being awake that the bad thoughts set in and I feel overwhelmed. Most days I can handle it.. with positive affirmations, exercise, or talking with someone I trust… but every few months it seems, I get triggered — triggered so hard that I can’t shake the negative thoughts, my body feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, and my chest feels like it won’t allow me to get a full breath in. I fall deep down the rabbit hole, and I’m not ever sure if this will be the time I don’t find my way out…

I decided to get off my depression meds last year, because I couldn’t stand the shit! It helped the racing thoughts, but I also let things slide that I normally wouldn’t; mainly, it clouded my judgement. And if anything I have learned in life is that people may try to control my body or who they want me to be, but they WON’T control my mind!

Every day I work harder to beat this illness.. merely striving to be a little better each day that I face — even though I know it is a struggle that l will always come back to. No matter how much time goes by or how great things go in my life, depression will always be there in the back of my head.

I’m just so very thankful for the people in my life who help bring me back up when I’m down; that notice when I’m not the “usual” bubbly, happy-go-lucky person I am. They help me the most on the days I feel I can’t go on and want to disappear. I’m reminded of what I’ve already faced, and have beat each time… that I’m not a victim, but a fucking WARRIOR!! At this point, I’ve gone to war thousands of times fighting for my life.. But if there’s one thing I know for certain, is that I will NEVER give up!! I have too much to fight for. So even though Depression may be something I have to deal with, IT WILL NEVER BECOME ME! ?