Sometimes finding positivity in the face of chronic illness isn’t easy.

Sometimes finding understanding in the great deal of frustration, stigma and confusion surrounding the conditions can be a task.

Sometimes living in your own mind and ‘walking a mile’ in your own shoes makes you wish you were walking in someone else’s.

The pain hasn’t stopped, but it hasn’t stopped me.

Today’s blog (number 3) is following completion of my day. Something that may seem so minor to some but in my current condition a huge achievement to myself: I completed a full 5 hours at work.

So now – I lay by the fire, unable to stand alone, unable to shake the chronic fatigue and pain, unable to stop the severe spasming and sensations in my lower body. But I made it. And up until this moment & now with tears streaming; I made it with a smile on my face.

“It’s like swimming upstream every moment that you’re awake”.

A couple of months ago, my life changed  when my body relapsed and spiralled into hell, following recovery from the flu. I had a far from exotic holiday to the hospital, experienced what felt like never ending tests and eventually ended up with my diagnosis on the other end. FND, M.E/CFS and Fibromyalgia.

These conditions involve a diverse range of debilitating symptoms, just a few including limb weakness, chronic fatigue, seizures, extreme pain, difficulty walking, gait, and limited mobility.

Every day is an uphill battle, but an uphill battle that I will continue to fight. My life is different now to how it’s always been, but I’m learning to accept that.

I’m learning to take the better days as they come, I’m learning to listen to my body and prioritise resting and staying at home when required, I’m learning the days that I can get out of the house for a few hours, and I’m learning on those days when I need to get myself home again. But all that matters, is I’m learning. I’m listening to my body when it tells me what it needs me to know.

I accept that, and I know now that’s its okay to rest. I’m not lazy, I’m not boring and I’m not a let down: I’m just fighting a battle each day that not many people understand. Not even me.

It’s not easy now and it probably never will be. People ask me how I do it, how I cope with this being only twenty-one, and truthfully I don’t have the answer.

All I know is that the size of your steps or how quickly you move is irrelevant, all that matters is that you keep going forward, taking life at your own pace.

Keeping your chin up and a smile on your face, no matter how hard life comes to try you.

“I have FND.
FND doesn’t have me”.

#FND #M.E #CFS #Fibromyalgia #Awareness