I hated planning my first wedding. It was 2006 and were starting to plan a destination wedding when I found out I was pregnant. I then planned a traditional church/country club wedding for 250 people in 3 months.

Everyone had an opinion about what we should do. Especially my ex mother in law. We fought over every little thing, up to and including whether or not there was a cantorer (singer) at the church for the ceremony. I wanted it to be simple, she hired the Philadelphia Mummers. Everyone had old friends that absolutely had to be on the guest list and people didn’t love that we didn’t invite a +1 for every single cousin.

I hated every second of all of it. I called it off and threw my engagement ring multiple times in those months. About 4 years ago after doing some extensive personal growth work I learned that I allowed it all to be that way. I allowed it because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

As I now plan my second wedding (and I use the word plan loosely because I am letting our vendors do most of it) I’m full of fear because I desperately want my fiancé and I both enjoy this experience. I’m terrified of having the same experience again though. I’m also being hyper vigilant about not allowing anyone to force their ideas or push their opinions on us. Probably to a fault, but hey, let’s not repeat history, right?

Joe and I got our first dissatisfied opinion last week and I let it ruin DAYS. I went back in my mind 14 years and then immediately forward 5 years where I’m still carrying a resentment. I think these are symptoms of PTSD. #kidding #sortof

My very wise 11 year old daughter said to me “mom, will this matter in 5 years?” I responded “maybe.” Her: “just say no so I can say the rest.” Me: “fine, no.” Her: “then don’t let it bother you for the next 5 minutes.” Ok, tiny Buddha.

A friend also told me that the only people that matter in this entire process are me, Joe, and my kids (they’re 11 & 12). He told me as long as the kids are on board with our plans it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. And he’s right.

So here’s to knowing that there WILL be more people who don’t agree with or appreciate our wedding plans – and that’s not for me to be concerned with.

@tararoulis