His royal highnesses’ etiquettes, bold demeanour and the spunk of a culinary genius. He has a thousand victories under his belt.

One day he asks you out.

You love a partner who cooks. But bit by bit, you find out that he is still mama’s boy because he talks to her in between two to three hours. He is someone who wears the apron confidently but has no time on his busy schedule to sit down and have a meal in peace and quiet. He is always leaving the kitchen late.

He, who owes his success to his mother/grandmother for teaching him how to cook, he who knows how to hold a spatula, he who can make a woman fall on her knees and revel in the flavours of his cooking – he is the idea of the man of your dreams. You think that because he is wired that way and he has evolved that way, he is perfect for you. You imagine how he will make you feel special everyday by making delicious meals for you.

Read that passage again. The ‘idea’ of him is nice. This man does not actually fit the bill.

When I factor in how bhuas/moms/aunties cook home-made poha, the old 90s cousin of brown rice (Also read: According to Kailash Vijayvargiya, eating poha could mean that you’re Bangaldeshi), I figure how interesting it is that women know how to make male and the female family members waft in like smoke for the poha. From that auntyji next door to the bhua in Kota who is on our constant beck and call, who still enjoys being Santa Claus for us numerous times – all ladies have the instincts of a hawk. It is not that they have entirely lost the ballpark figure to men. They are still very much in the picture and their killer instincts are needed to carry out important work. Though they may not don the same demeanour of a confident boss or chef, they have a mystery about them that no male in the world can untangle.

Very few men can guess woman’s instincts. Women love the role of mentors and leaders in the kitchen and beyond to accomplish whatnot. This quality is hard to imitate for a man. How to genuinely shower true love and passion into something/ a relationship?

But let us all concentrate on the bigger picture today. Is it all about instinct when it comes to loving something? What do 21st century women want? Secondly, do smart men have what it takes to become role models, which means juggling instincts a lot of the time?

Whenever I am in Sagar Ratna for a cold bowl of Dahi Vada, my heart goes out to the male chefs. Mind you, Sagar Ratna is run mostly by males I hear. Perhaps they have outgrown the typical macho behaviour and embraced what they do. So simple.

Ladies are told as a joke that cooking – a heartfelt gesture – is a plot scheme to get to the man’s heart. But then I feel that there is no need to better the bitter who makes such a joke. It is downright cruel. Do ladies really care anymore? No. In fact when we do see a man respect the kitchen role with perfect grace, we simply nod and move on. Do the good experiences make us jitter? No.

When it comes to loving something, instinct is enough. But how to follow that instinct as accurately as possible: that is challenging. If you are struggling to do what you heart wants, I have no advise for you. The decision is yours. The journey is yours.

Allowing a man to be what he wants does not always pay off. But allowing a woman to be what she wants is a bet I am willing to take.

if a woman tries to embrace the macho-ness and tries to don the bold demeanour of a man, it is somehow considered sexy. Perhaps our moms and bhuas are not in the same ballpark as we are. Do you think it is time to seriously take ourselves at gunpoint and fight a battle to have the same spunk that these men have? Just to be sexy?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Remember that no matter what women want, all they want first is the freedom to express.