One need ask no more when the true nature is seen. Naropa

9 years ago when took the vows I clearly knew will be a challenge because those vows aren’t just a white robe.

Remember the advice of Garchen Rinpoche that day I still use them now as “Marpa advice to Milarepa” Rinpoche kindness took me far even if my road has been more then bumpy.

I came in that age when some get mid life crisis but my life as been crisis all time anyway, so those vows are a real challenge in 21st century specially when like me you decide to go to the battlefield instead of staying closer from sangha and Lama.

My good karma have lead me to understand and taste things that some others will die for just because his teaching and my sinner faith to my Vajra Master Garchen Rinpoche.

In battlefield I had pretty much everything been hit from my health to everything could hit me from mental, physical wellbeing to spiritual wellbeing till the breakthrough.

Before I use to read the practice in Tibetan, I still do when I do online or real meetings with sangha but for my personal use I Learned them by heart so as past yogi do, new yogi do also everything in my mind from prayers to mantra to visualisation no papers.

Some will told me you don’t have long hair “ well I really love too “ but so far due to my two jobs and nearly 24h a day working 7 days a week was nearly impossible. This challenge made me develop my mind as Rinpoche teach your body do samsara but your mind do Dharma. Yes maybe at work you just forgot Dharma , for me been so much left in battlefield that mu work for me became use to do tongleh, hungry on liberated others that even if don’t sleep I will still recite mantra till my last breath .

I am not an hero more close to the anti hero, I more close than Vegeta than Sangoku made trilion mistakes but thanks Rinpoche learn me to turn rock to diamonds thanks him for his greats teaching and empowerments, encouragement not like everyone else he never judge you.

Adopt your inner demons and make a nice puppy with it, did that with my snakes fears then all my fears working on compassion everyday and your practice becomes you, you become practice exactly.

To experience refuge, bodhisattva and ngakpa vows full force, will say that bodhisattvas who want to understand mahamudra are better to explode there limits one way or another could be by 9 years solitary retreat in Himalayan mountains or face full front samsara as samurai taste the battlefield. I understood why Rinpoche develop so much compassion in Chinese jail because when real hardship hit in face we have just one shot or become like everyone else resentful and lost.

Later on you learn that meat suit is just like rainbow, I learn that hit my heart losing my mother to cancer and see that all we think are so important, are finally just Maya as vedic said.

I pray Tilo, Naro, Marpa, Mila, Retchung, lord Jigden Sungun and Garchen Rinpoche to help all like me who swim in the ocean of suffering. If I help at least one being I rejoice on it and dedicate to all beings.