I suppose I’m at a place in life where I realize that doing things because you feel guilt around them is not a valid reason for doing anything. It only leaves you feeling bitter and like you are giving more than you are getting.

That’s because you are.

Guilt comes, most often, from societal norms. Things that have been embedded in you since childhood – but aren’t based on anything more than crap that’s been handed down from generation to generation.

Like, for me, here’s one – I was raised in church. And in my family, you went to church every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night without fail, regardless of illness or anything else. The only time I remember getting out of it was once when I had the chicken pox, and when I was older, my dad was a paramedic instructor and he needed actual people for testing.

The fact of the matter is, church attendance is not a requirement for being a Christian. Period. Ever.

Does it help you connect with other people? Yes. Does it sometimes feed your soul? Yes. But should you attend because you think you should, or because you enjoy what you get out of it? I think you know the answer.

A true relationship with Jesus involves living the life, not just attending a service on Sunday, and I think that’s a huge misconception amongst people. Your attendance does not make you a better Christian.

If you want to walk the walk and talk the talk, you need to be out there doing the work, living the life, and telling people exactly what God has done for you. Any one who tells you church is a requirement is trying to control you and use guilt to do it.

Another is that because I was raised in church, you participate in church-y events. Always. And if you don’t, you have to explain why + have a valid reason.

Recently, my church was running a women’s group. I felt like I *should* go, because, reasons. I went. I felt uncomfortable. I felt out of place. I felt like even though I love Jesus, these women were not my women.

So, I left. After 5 minutes, I got up and walked out.

I felt so freaking free. There was a momentary pang of guilt followed by an immediate HELL YES and I knew that regardless of what my inner voice was saying I should be doing, I was not doing it for the right reasons, and therefore should not be doing it at all.

But what I really want to talk to you about is mom stuff.

If we get at the heart of what it is that causes our guilt, we can dismantle it and re-frame the way we look at these situations, thus releasing the guilt and enjoying life a little more.

So, for instance, I feel guilty if I say no to my kids being in extra-curricular activities.

This hearkens back to the fact that my parents wouldn’t let me be in anything – partially because of those church-y commitments, partially because of money, partially because of only one car for awhile. Whatever the reasons, I didn’t get to do a lot of that kind of stuff. This led to me overcompensating and letting my kids be in absolutely everything they ever wanted to be in – which was an expensive hit to both my wallet and my calendar.

I got to a point that I had to tell my daughter she had to choose and I felt guilty as hell about it.

Why though? I wasn’t saying she couldn’t do anything – I just said, because she has two brothers who are also involved in things, that she needed to choose which was the most important.

I had to work through what was causing my feelings on the subject and honestly, it just made sense.

I also feel crazy guilt around the amount of time I spend working. I feel like I am on my computer more often than not, and that when my kids think of me, it’s with a laptop in my lap.

But the fact of the matter is, I’m always here. I’m always available. They never have to wonder where I am, or if I will be there if they need something. I can work anywhere, so even though I still work on some vacations, my business doesn’t keep us from going places.

My whole point is that your guilt isn’t based on accurate things. Whatever it is that you feel guilt around, you have to realize that it’s all your perception, not the actuality of how things are.

My kids may think of me with a laptop, but the alternative is that I have a full time job and can’t always be at their stuff.

Church is important, but especially in these pandemic days, the inability to attend church doesn’t mean you love Jesus less.

And my daughter is a well-rounded young lady, even though she had to drop Girl Scouts.

Make your decisions based on your gut instinct + facts + what’s best for you and your people.