Ah it’s been a while. I’ve had a few people message me recently asking if I’m still blogging and when they should expect my next post to be there to read… I can’t even begin to explain how much it actually means to me that there are people out there who genuinely give a damn about my passion of raising awareness.
My conditions are a huge part of me and they have changed my life dramatically – But as I always say, ‘don’t let your struggle become your identity’.

So the reason for my lack of blogging recently is actually due to diving into a new job, a new challenge and something I have never done before! In all honesty, it has done my illnesses the world of good. An actual routine, Monday to Friday hours, a desk-based role etc. I’m looking on the positives and ultimately I’m
fighting a battle that I don’t currently ALWAYS feel like I’m losing anymore. Generally, I now manage to wonder around the office walking-aid free, never forgetting the reality of my conditions of course but actually feeling like I’m achieving things that ‘normal’ people do. It’s still a hard pill to swallow, I really would like my old life back… But there we go, we can’t have everything now can we? Maybe one day I will get there – I just need to continue taking the right steps forward.

To read more about my conditions, here is the link to a few of my previous blogs which explain more in detail what I can face during my relapses – https://www.elephantjournal.com/author/lucyamelia98/

Today isn’t such a good day for me, I’ve used my crutches so far for the whole of this weekend to allow myself to still go out and enjoy myself. On the plus side, crutches are about the right length to swing around and if someone gets hit then they’re clearly too close from a social distancing point of view, right? ?
I had a lovely, successful day out shopping yesterday and I also managed a small dog walk when I got home. Something extremely minor for some, granted – But for someone who suffers in the way that I do, it’s an achievement in itself. Something this year has taught me is that it’s perfectly okay to celebrate your small wins and to live for the moment, because true to the saying, you never actually know what is around the corner…

So, Autoimmune diseases: Complete and utter hell on earth.
Those that instead of protecting your body, would rather attack it instead. They target your tissues, organs, cells, nervous system. Everything.

Chronic fatigue, sleep 4 hours? Exhausted. Sleep 8 hours? Exhausted. Sleep 12 hours? Absolutely STILL exhausted.
The pain, the lack of mobility, the relapses that come out of nowhere. Having to change or cancel plans because you just got ‘hit by a bus’. Relapses don’t give you the warning, they don’t let you know or give you an appointment time, they just turn up and run you over out of nowhere.

There are days where you just need to hide away, to be yourself, gather your thoughts and eventually come back out fighting. It takes so much strength, so much self-persuasion, so much confidence some days just to face the world; to realise this is your life now and that ultimately it’s okay to be you.

I plead and urge that the small minority who are, to STOP passing judgement on people ‘overreacting’ and taking extra precautions to look after themselves during the COVID19 pandemic. You do NOT know what someone is facing, if they are vulnerable or if they are caring for someone who is. Not all conditions /
diseases or disorders are visable 100% of the time. As I explained earlier, some days I go out without my crutches and on those days outsiders would never know what I am facing, the pain I am in or the suffering I battle each day. The looks you can receive from parking in a disabled bay, putting your blue badge on
show but knowing some people are judging ‘…well they don’t appear disabled’ – It can truly hurt. But I RISE ABOVE knowing that I do not have to prove myself to anyone, my conditions are REAL even on the better and more manageable days.

To anyone facing an AUTOIMMUNE disease, or any illness that can sometimes be ‘invisible’ – It makes your struggle NO LESS REAL. Keep fighting your battle, take your steps forward and kick it’s ass the best you can each day. But most importantly, be PROUD of your achievements no matter how big or how small to anyone else – These are your personal wins and that is okay.

#FND #fibromyalgia #nervoussystemdisorders #ME #myalgicencephalomyelitis