I find male sensitivity very attractive. But for some reason, I feel judged saying this. In every culture across the world, masculinity means strength, and not showing any emotion is somehow a sign of strength, even more so in the west. I understand how this perception came about. If a man had to protect his tribe from a predator, showing his fear would not have helped him. Also when there is conflict and pain in any situation, being around men who act out irrationally with unchecked emotions can be scary. I grew up around volatile emotions, and for a long time ‘strong and silent’ felt safe to me. But being silent became an avoidance tactic which did not teach us how to live with our emotions. As time went on, this same ‘strong and silent’ image became a barrier to connection. Time and time again, I was faced with confusion and conflict with men who were unwilling to tell me anything about their inner world. Not only that, they judged my emotional world as weak and silly and ignored it the best that they could. My relationships fell apart several times. My female friends became the connection, the spiritual nourishment and the love. I realised that I was beginning to see men as objects rather than connecting with them, and that felt wrong.

This felt even more unfair after my son was born. I didn’t want to judge him with the same lens as I viewed all males – as shallow and incapable of real connection. As I watched him actively choosing Nerf guns over teddies, I knew the thread of masculinity to be stoic and unyielding would affect his choices. I didn’t want him to shut off his inner world to be accepted in the ranks of masculine strength. I want masculinity to be redefined. Looking at my son’s soulful eyes, I know he has the capacity for connection. I wouldn’t want him to deny that part of himself in order to ‘appear’ strong. And I don’t want to be in a world where men aren’t allowed to be real, where they are judged only in terms of what they can provide. Do we want to be surrounded by the likes of Donald Trump? I don’t want such a shallow world. Just like I don’t want to be in a world where a woman’s value is invested in her appearance (that’s another conversation!)

As more and more people come forward to acknowledge that men do have depth of emotions, and are allowed to express them, maybe this false ideal of masculine strength as cold and ruthless will fall away. More women will choose the size of a man’s heart and depth of his soul over the size of his biceps or his bank account. For me, the greatest strength is in the courage to be real. And sensitivity is a real openness and a real honesty about our own suffering as well as the suffering of others. Being able to look at yourself and understand yourself gives you courage to open up to others, and to understand them better too. In all walks of life, in work or in relationships, in families, friendships and in romance, sensitivity can help men to connect more deeply. If we feel uncomfortable looking at our own inner selves, that is our call to face it even more courageously. Sensitivity is not weak nor is it easy to embody, it takes a lot to grapple with our emotions instead of burying them. Sensitivity is a strength and it is sexy.