Waylon posted recently and he was asking the question of what we all have been feeling lately and I got to thinking about it. I feel lost, floating, without purpose, desperation, degraded, resentful? I know I feel so much more these days than I have ever before. I do not know if it is because of the pandemic, but I know right now I do not feel whole. I lost a part of me in the pandemic, the after pandemic, and life attempting to be normal again.

A piece of me is overwhelmed. Another piece is struggling to breath, and yet another part feels detached from my mind altogether. I am in a fog. I am floating above myself wondering how I got so lost to begin with. How have we moved through these last few years also feels shattered. We got from day to day, all separated by a computer screen, we say that is contact with others, but I feel it is not. there is not connection through the screen. There is no warmth to seeing others in a tiny box on our computers. Why is the “getting back to normal”, so damn hard?

The last few years have hindered our kindness. It has left a rift between humanity that I fear we may never fix. The fission is so wide, so deep, such a black whole that I wonder if we are not just going to fall in and keep falling through the rest of our lives. I truly hope there is a way to reconnect to others. I truly hope we are not all lost wondering sheep. I hope there is love for each other still deep in our hearts.

John Mayer has a song called, “Freefalling”, and for so much of the last few years I feel it applies. I feel like I have stepped into a gap, lost all contact with reality and the world as a whole, and now I wonder when we will all stop falling down. When will we pick up and try again to be a society filled with kindness, with warmth, with compassion, for each other again.

The world has turned into a jungle. It is full of animals taking advantage of the weak and taking over areas that do not belong to them. I struggle with how we got to such a dark place and why no one seems to wonder where the light, the joy, and the happiness went. Can we come back to it again? I think so, but it will take everyone trying and I fear some people are now hardened for life. I feel their turtle shell is on and it fits, and they are keeping it.

Perhaps there is a let’s meet int he middle area. Might we try to be a little kinder and just dip our toes into the pool of humanity? Maybe go back to waiving at neighbors. Let us bring out our abundance of smiles at people walking by our homes. Making cookies and baking extra for a neighbor who you know is alone. If that is too much try just saying hello and then the next time give a little bit more and then more and so on.

We are still in a world that to me seems chaotic. If we all try a little bit more to be kind, to show compassion, to bring our light out even if the beam is dim, than maybe we can move forward together. One dim beam and then many more will bring the light back into this world. Right now, we are all still struggling. We want normal, but no one knows what that is. Even if they say they do, someone else’s normal is not yours and now mine.

We know we are exhausted, but if we put a little effort to show kindness, to put our dim beams together, than perhaps the light, joy and some lightness in our souls will return again. There may be a great community hiding behind the fears we all have. Let us move forward together and take one baby step towards healing ourselves and humanity together.