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The world of relationships is so unique.

Every relationship has its own personality, needs, and dynamics.

There are different kinds of relationships as well—some are easy-going, some turbulent, some last for a lifetime, some are seasonal. Some come to wake you up and challenge you, and some to soothe and support you. And amidst these different kinds of relationships, there are also the ones that are the almost relationships—the ones that feel like relationships but also aren’t.

There are feelings, chemistry, a feel-good factor, yet they miss something profound, which keeps you wondering if this is really it. It feels on and off. There is a constant push-pull going on. On some days, you feel connected and sure, and then there are those days when you’re sitting and questioning everything. Yes, it has emotional connection, intimacy, a sense of being there for each other, yet there is so much more brewing under the surface. One moment you feel like your partner is your world, and in the next you wonder if they are even there. You pin all your hopes and dreams on this one person, and they also give you reasons to believe so, but deep down your gut senses all the ways in which dissonance is showing up. No matter how much you try, it never feels complete. Something is always missing.

You’re almost there but never fully, because these relationships lack a lot of things that we tend to overlook because of our own emotions, unclear priorities, needs, desire for attachment, and fears. These relationships thrive on hope and hesitation. Your hope for a better tomorrow with this person who’s almost there keeps you hooked. You continue to pour your heart and soul into it, overgiving and overcompensating to cover the gap, hoping, wishing, and waiting that one day they will step up and finally reach the potential that you had envisioned for them. One day they will see you fully for who you are and will give in completely. So you keep chasing. But on the other hand, the part of you that knows something is off keeps nudging you to slow down, pull back, observe, and rein your fantasies in. After a point, your own internal space becomes a battleground. You’re the only one fighting in your head and in the relationship, while on the other side everything remains the same. And all this continues until one day you wake up and realise that it’s not working and you can’t keep clinging to blind hope, or they decide to leave because they just can’t be in it—because they were never fully in it to begin with.

Like all endings, these relationships hurt too, and sometimes even more, because you never really get the kind of closure you deserve or need. Like the relationship status itself, everything is vague and confusing. Some things make sense and some don’t. Yet these relationships also serve as wake-up calls. They make you ask yourself: “Why did I ignore those signs in the first place?” “Why did I settle for this?” “Why did I compensate for someone else’s lack?” “Why did I go on even when my gut was constantly asking me to pull back?”

That’s because these relationships play on our deepest fears and insecurities. We get into them and stay, even when the red flags are right in our face, because we are scared that maybe we are the ones who aren’t enough. Maybe if they love me, I will finally feel worthy of being loved. We’re afraid that maybe we won’t ever find anyone, and yes, there’s also the part where we give way too much credit to the tiny good parts in the relationship, because we need something to hold onto—otherwise everything would have come crashing down. But a relationship that doesn’t have a solid foundation to stand on will crash someday anyway. It’s only a matter of time, isn’t it? However, we end up prolonging our suffering because we’re entering from an empty space and hoping that the relationship will fill us up. Hence we don’t even assess for ourselves if what we’re getting is enough or if it’s what we really want. We just stretch and drag until we can’t anymore—until the relationship has sucked everything out of us.

So how do you know if you are or ever were in an almost relationship?

You’ve been spending time together, maybe even months or years, yet the relationship has no clear definition. It hovers in the grey zone of “more than friends, less than partners.” Or even if there is a clear definition, the way forward is missing. The connection feels intense and warm at times, but then distant and detached at others. You’re left wondering which version of them you’ll get on any given day. They talk about the future, making plans, hinting at commitment, but their actions never match their words. You find yourself doing the heavy lifting— initiating, planning, compromising—while they show up only when it’s convenient and always have some excuse for not showing up.

You constantly overthink: “Did I say too much? Am I expecting too much? Did I do something wrong?” Instead of clarity, the relationship brings you anxiety because there is already a layer of emotional unsafety. You feel guarded because you know there isn’t space for you to be fully you. You’re holding on to what the relationship could be rather than what it is right now, and that’s why the minute you spot a red flag, you quickly dismiss, ignore, or justify it. Despite time passing, the bond doesn’t deepen or progress. You’re stuck in the same cycle of highs and lows, with no movement forward, and no matter how much you try, you’re the only one making effort.

If you’ve ever found yourself in such a relationship or are navigating one, then here are a few relationship fundamentals that you need to know:

1. Time doesn’t heal anything. It gives you time and space to develop or shift your perspective. It’s effort that heals.

2. If your relationship isn’t healing, growing, and moving forward the way you’d like it to, then waiting around won’t change a thing. You need to be clear about what you want from your relationship. Your intentions, priorities, values, and needs are yours to understand and manage. If you don’t have this clarity, then you will always be in and out of exhausting and unclear dynamics.

3. Relationships don’t define your worth. You do define your worth by showing up in certain ways, by accepting or rejecting certain behaviours, and by allowing people to treat you in a certain way. It’s only you who gets to decide what you deserve. If you believe you don’t deserve anything better, you will always settle. Your brain will keep trying to complete the almost relationship on its own by making you work overtime. But if you believe, or even want to believe, that you deserve better, you’ll never force yourself to settle in what’s uncomfortable and less than you need.

Healing from such a relationship and moving toward the one you desire and deserve requires you to detach, disconnect, and let go of this almost fantasy. You have to allow yourself to break, face your fears, learn all the ways in which you didn’t show up for yourself, and put yourself together differently.

This means that you need to:

1. Acknowledge the truth. Stop romanticizing the potential and see the relationship for what it really was, not what you wished it to be.

2. Grieve the loss by giving yourself permission to feel the pain of letting go, because you’re not just mourning a person, but also the dream that didn’t materialize.

3. Reclaim your energy by pulling back all the effort you were pouring into keeping the relationship alive and redirecting it into nurturing yourself.

4. Revisit your boundaries by asking yourself what you will and will not tolerate moving forward so you don’t repeat the same patterns.

5. Rewrite your story by shifting from “I wasn’t enough” to “It wasn’t aligned.” This helps you detach your worth from someone else’s inability to commit.

6. Choose self-commitment first by building a relationship with yourself that is full, loving, and steady. When you stop abandoning yourself, you naturally stop accepting halfway love from others.

Our relationships are our biggest mirrors and teachers. They reflect our broken, unhealed parts and also show us the way to heal them. And almost relationships, well, they are here to remind you that any relationship not built on the foundation of consistency, trust, empathy, and alignment will never stand the test of time.

Making a relationship work is never one person’s responsibility. Either you’re in it fully, or you’re out. This middle will always be chaotic and messy and you don’t deserve that. No one does.

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