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On this Thanksgiving Day,

Consider giving thanks for all the heartache and disappointment you’ve endured—for all the people who have hurt or betrayed you along the way. Can you be thankful for that?

Give thanks for the losses and the pain—the lost money, the missed opportunities, the jobs that slipped away, the clients who left or who never came, the dreams and goals that we never quite reached, the dreams that didn’t come true.

Can you give thanks and find gratitude for the embarrassment, the sadness, the public shame, and the humiliation you’ve had to live through?

When I look back on the many relationships that have shaped me—two marriages, two divorces, the live-in lovers, and all the lovers who cheated, lied, or pretended to care—I see now that each one taught me something valuable about myself. Even the insincere ones, the ones who pressured or gaslighted me, were teachers in their own way.

It’s hard to admit, but my failures—and I’ve had a pile of them—have shown me how strong and resilient I am.

They’ve proven how willing I am to risk embarrassment, sadness, humiliation, and shame in the pursuit of truth and growth. I’ve learned who I really want to be. I’ve learned how to feel it all. And for that, I am thankful.

Flipping our idea of gratitude in this way might seem odd or even negative, but it’s in those dark moments that we get to decide the direction of our lives—whether to pivot, change course, stay, or leave. We get to demand something new for ourselves, to embrace change, to write a new story, to live more honestly.

It’s in those darker moments, in the breaking open that we come to know, with stunning clarity, what we don’t want—and, just as importantly, what we do want. And I have always been thankful for that.

Could it be that true success is built on a pile of failures?

Could it be that we become stronger, wiser, and more joyful not in spite of our failures, but because of them?

Could it be that the pile of rubble isn’t rubble after all, but the foundation of our strength?

Let’s give thanks to every scar, every fall, every tumble, because each moment has led us here to the truth of who we are.

Give thanks for all of it.

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