Jealousy is an emotion that most people feel shame about.

It’s a feeling you don’t like to discover in yourself.

Jealousy, when recognized, feels especially reprehensible. It feels like it’s so below you, but when it arises, you can’t help the fact that it’s there.

Why do we get jealous of others?

It’s a complex emotion, and I think this is the reason we don’t like it, and especially demonize it.

As far as I can tell, jealousy is admiration for someone else, which is not negative. But simultaneously, jealousy is anger towards ourselves for not being like them. That’s why it can feel so searing and toxic in our psyche, because at its root, jealousy is self-condemnation.

If you feel jealousy towards someone, you must really admire them.

There must be something about them that you yourself deeply aspire to, but you’re coming up short in achieving it. This realization can hit us like an intense flame of unclear emotion. This is jealousy.

I think it can be of two types.

The first is this: when you identify what it is that you admire about that person, you may actually discover that feeling jealous isn’t worth it anyway.

You may realize that the thing you were jealous of doesn’t actually align with your highest values. It was the lower, more animalistic nature that was pulling you in that direction. Your higher self that is guided by virtue will delegitimize your need to aspire towards that thing. That is good. You have used reason to eliminate your need to be jealous.

However, there is a second kind.

This version arises when someone is achieving some high and admiral potential that you yourself would love to achieve, that does align with your highest values. You know it’s similar to your own calling. But you’re angry at yourself because you realize that you’re letting fear and resistance stop you from achieving it. This one hurts more, because it’s legitimate. We should listen to it.

Actually, both types are helpful. Both bring us to a deeper understanding of ourselves and what we value.

The trick is to learn from this emotion, and especially the second kind.

When we use this feeling as an entry point to understand the part of us that’s crying out, we can come to profound realizations about ourselves. The usual, impulsive reaction to jealousy is to cover it over with another deadening layer of self-directed anger and shame for feeling such a thing. This is not helpful.

Emotions in their pure, unmeddled form are bearers of wisdom.

It’s like touching fire. It feels so intensely bad because you need to know that fire will destroy your body. It’s there to teach you.

We have to be on our own side and fight for oursleves.

If you notice yourself feeling jealous towards someone who is succeeding at a particular endeavor, you should pay attention to that, and realize that you won’t find fulfillment until you start working towards a version of that for yourself.

What’s keeping you stuck and angry at yourself is your inability to overcome resistance. The fear and self-doubt.

If you start taking small steps in the right direction, doing things everyday that are on track with becoming that person you deeply want to be, you’re in the clear. You’re on your way to fulfillment and you won’t be jealous of others anymore.

Notice tinges of jealousy. Be willing to confront how intensely you want to grow towards what you see in others, and become the hero of your own life and start moving in that direction. Feeling shameful about jealousy is really resistance tricking us. It’s keeping us from finding the wisdom hidden there — the insights about our deepest aspirations.