It is an unfortunate fact that, nowadays, almost half of all marriages end in divorce. The impact of this statistic is food for thought, especially in the way that it affects the overall social fabric of how our society perceives relationships. There is also a visible rise in trends such as Cohabitation. Favoring cohabitation over the traditional route of marriage, modern couples are choosing to give up on the idea of marriage altogether. One of the primary factors behind this preference is the couple’s eagerness to dodge the legal complexities that accompany marriage.

But for those who did walk the aisle, the odds are not in their favour. Marriage, like pretty much everything else in life, comes with its challenges. Love alone doesn’t sustain marriages. A successful marriage requires trust, support, and most importantly, effort. Effort can turn things around, even for those who have decided to part ways. Yes, the probability of couples reconciling their differences after they have filed for divorce is extremely low, but it does happen!

The following are some of the things that can help you if you are someone trying to win your spouse back, even after they have filed the divorce papers. The chances are slim, but these tips could help.

1. Get over your hurt and disappointment, and do it fast!

If you are sincere in your intention to make things work with your spouse, then the obvious first step would be to get out of your own way. You are not going to convince your spouse about… well anything really unless you, yourself, is convinced that this is what you want. The only way you can do that is by getting over the initial hurt and emotional shock that you experienced when your partner informed you of their decision to end the marriage. The moment you decide to forgive yourself for not trying hard enough and to forgive your spouse for deciding that the marriage was not worth saving, you will be ready to start anew and pursue mending your relationship with your partner.

2. Use the divorce filing as an opportunity to revamp your relationship

It is indeed tough to hear your spouse say they want separation from you, but in some cases, it could be a blessing in disguise. There are many people who sleepwalk through life, without even realising how much they are hurting their partners. This could be a wake-up call, a much-needed shock to the system, that you probably needed. It will shake you up from your ignorant and negligent attitude towards your marriage and your partner and will make you aware of your partner’s feelings and emotions. Often, people don’t realise how valuable something is to them until there is a danger that they might lose it permanently. Relationships are like that, we start to take things for granted until we are forced to take them seriously. You should take this divorce filing as an opportunity to work on your relationship and to convince your partner that you are willing to change and give your time and effort towards nurturing the bond you share with them. Don’t just say it, show it with your actions. Convince your partner that you are willing to make some fundamental changes in the way you have been treating them in the past. It is a shot in the dark, but it might work if you are able to convey, through your actions and behaviour, that you are going to put all your head, heart, and might into the relationship.

3. Begin your efforts by listening to what your spouse has to say

Once you have decided to give your best shot at saving your marriage, the first thing you would have to do is to listen carefully to what your spouse has to say. You should be resilient and courageous enough to hear out the long list of grievances and complaints that your spouse has piled up against you. It is not going to be easy, but hey, this is the task that you signed up for. A marriage cannot work if the two of you are not willing to listen, to really listen, to each other. Your spouse is the one walking out of this marriage and therefore, it falls on you to do all the listening. You have to be incredibly patient. You might also have to make an effort to ensure that your spouse feels comfortable enough to open up to you. Only if they feel that you are honestly listening and trying to find out what went wrong, will they be willing to lay out what’s been truly bothering them so much about you and yourrelationship.

4. Empathise with your partner

You have to empathise to understand their viewpoint. It may be harder than it sounds, but you do have to put yourself in their shoes and introspect a little bit about where you could have gone wrong. It can be particularly tricky to relate to your partner if you think that you are not the only one to blame for the problems they are expressing. And likely, you are not wrong. It takes two people to get married, and it takes two to get a divorce. However, you have to keep reminding yourself that it is your spouse who is leaving, and thus, you have to be the bigger person if you want them to feel that they are being listened to.

5. Apologize

That’s it. Sometimes the answer to the most complex problems is just a one-word solution. Similarly, a sincere and honest apology can go a long way in mending your relationship. However, there is a significant difference in an apology made to convince your spouse temporarily just to trick them into staying and a deep and sincere apology that you really mean. Without truly contemplating your mistakes and wrongdoings your apology won’t be sincere. If you have failed to do any serious introspection and are just trying to put this turmoil behind you so that you can return to how things used to be, then that is a huge mistake. You’ll just be setting your partner and yourself up to repeat the same mistakes. You must keep in mind that what you perceive as normal, became suffocating for your spouse. Therefore, if you do not realise your mistake and commit towards becoming a better partner to your spouse, then you will soon become complacent and fall back into the same behaviour patterns that aggravated your spouse in the first place. And the next time, you might find it impossible to stop your family from breaking up.

6. Pay a visit to the marriage counsellor’s office

Seeking professional help could be the last resort after all your efforts towards reconciliation have fallen flat. However, the outcome of this option does not always end well for couples. Yes, many couples do indeed benefit from couple’s therapy, but there are many who, after therapy, become more convinced than ever that they need to end their marriage. In counselling, the deepest flaws and issues in your marriage come to the surface. These are truths that people don’t even want to admit to themselves. Having them admit to their spouse with whom they are struggling to have a connection, often pushes people to the edge, making them more resolved in their decision of leaving. However, this is a risk worth taking, if nothing else is working. You should think of marriage counselling as an olive branch that might end up becoming a bridge that reconnects you with your spouse.

Conclusion

After putting 100% of your efforts into mending your relationship, you should give your partner space and time to make up their mind. At the end of the day, no amount of effort can guarantee that your partner will stay with you in this marriage. However, you can draw comfort from the fact that you did your best to save your marriage. This realization that you were sincere and that you tried your hardest to make things work will save you from regret in the future. Also, the time and effort that you put in will help you prepare mentally and emotionally for the worst. It will help you draw inner strength to move on and start afresh.