There are certain types of people in our lives who will attempt to steal our energy. This can come in the form of taking our power, our positivity, our time, or our good intentions. They feed on our kindness, our emotions, our love, and our spirits. Often these people will exhibit specific personality traits that can be obvious once you have been in the clutch of even one such person.

I am specifically referring to the personality types that are part of a group within the so-called Cluster B of Personality Disorders as described by the DSM-5, or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Ed. This Cluster B is characterized as the “dramatic, emotional, and erratic” group and includes 4 specific diagnoses: Antisocial, Histrionic, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders. In general, these group members tend to have issues with impulse control and emotional balance and regulation.

We have been hearing a lot about narcissists for years now, and a lot about the narcissist – empath relationship. I need to stress that having narcissistic traits or tendencies is not the same as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Our social media-focused society has created a huge number of people who have developed such general traits, from selfies to check-in’s, from likes to shares. But an actual DSM diagnosis requires that multiple traits be present and inflexible, within a pervasive pattern of behavior that actually leads to functional impairment.

Here is a quick primer on the Cluster B types:

The Antisocial personality is characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for the rights of others and can manifest as aggression or hostility. These are the “psychopaths” out there who deal in deception and manipulation, and tend to be in dangerous or risky situations.

The Histrionic personality shows a pattern of attention seeking and excessive emotionality and drama, often seen as “hysterical”. They also tend to be quite flirtatious and seductive, along with flighty and fickle.

The Borderline personality is one of unstable and intense emotions, with outbursts and drastic mood swings. These people are impulsive, polarizing, judgmental, and they lack a definite sense of self.

The Narcissistic personality is complicated by a lack of self-worth coupled with a sense of entitlement. They feel like they deserve special attention or that they are the best, that they are uniquely talented.  They often assume they are especially attractive, brilliant, or important. And they are preoccupied with status and money. Yet underneath all of that arrogance, they suffer from low self-esteem. These people also lack true empathy for others and they lack lasting, intimate relationships.

The underlying theme amongst this group is that they are takers. These people take energy from others, especially those of us who are givers. It is an exploitative relationship, a one-way street. And usually people with such traits do not realize they are actually that way; self-awareness is not common in this group.

I have had experience with people who would most likely be diagnosable within this cluster. This includes family members and significant others, along with business partners/friends. And unfortunately, some of these relationships have extended over decades. I have been involved with both the Narcissist and Borderline personality types, and both are very difficult and destructive personalities. Because of this, I have spent a lot of time learning about the characteristics and how to deal with such people. As someone who is empathetic, I found that I could end up in these relationships due to an unhealthy attraction. The narcissist feeds on other’s energy, while the empath wants to help and to heal, and ends up giving up energy in these attempts. Hence the term “energy vampire” – these people will suck the life out of you.

So what I have learned over decades of dealing with this type of emotionally unstable and erratic person? Unfortunately, the one point I have come away with is that the best solution is to cut these people off from you and your life. As difficult as it may sound and it will be, that is the only way to truly protect yourself. No matter your intentions and your desires, you cannot heal these people, you cannot change them. They will continue to take from you, and you will only be drained and depleted in the process.

Once you get through it, you will feel relief. Once you are disengaged from the manipulation and gaslighting, you can find happiness again. Once you excise the negativity, you can again smile and laugh. But as long as you are in it, negative effects will bombard you.

From experience, I can tell you that these relationships only lead to pain and suffering.  So if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who fits these traits, get away. It’s really that simple. Not necessarily easy, but simple.