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February 6, 2022

Five Aspirations of a Tantric Marriage

I am blessed to have a Tantric marriage with my brilliant and beautiful wife, Maria, the woman who inspires and delights me on a daily basis. This is not conventional Tantra, I admit. We both know enough to steer clear of such labels. She is a pioneer in the field of yoga therapy, and I have devoted my life to the exploration of creativity, consciousness, chanting, and “the way of play.” Neither of us claims to be experts in Tantra, although we have both studied, read, and integrated certain practices into our lives.

Maria and I met in our late 50’s, at a time when each of us was comfortable in our own skin and had known our share of ups and downs. Falling in love was an unexpected gift. Both of us continue to be amazed each day at our extraordinary good fortune. It took me 13 months to propose, which is remarkably speedy for someone who had sworn off marriage altogether. Each of us had been happy and at peace living on our own. Yet, we both had enough sense to realize that when the love affair of a lifetime comes along, you jump on it!

Now, let me identify the five aspirations that make our marriage Tantric:

  1. See ourselves and each other as an embodiment of holiness.
  2. Approach one another with adoration.
  3. Celebrate and nurture our mutual desire.
  4. Treat our shared sexuality and sensuality as Tantric love play.
  5. Come together in cosmic orgasm.

We do not always meet our aspirations because we’re human. But with rare exception, this is how we live. It’s not conventional Tantra for any number of reasons, starting with the fact that at its core, our marriage has been shaped by two revolutionary discoveries of the past half-century: holograms and fractals. Both of these breakthroughs converge on the same idea: that Nature is self-embedded wholeness, making each of us an embodiment of wholeness, a microcosm composed of smaller microcosms. I find this realization thrilling. It makes me tingle all over, filling me with astonishment and awe!

Maria and I view holiness and wholeness as inseparable. Both words have the same origin. In traditional Tantra, you practice seeing and treating the Beloved as a deity—your personal god or goddess. For me, Maria is the wholeness of Nature embodied in female form. And that form happens to be gorgeous, juicy, sexy and perfect. Lucky me! She is a microcosm, and a luscious one at that. Like a flower, a bird, or a grain of sand, she has her own unique beauty and splendor. She is also my portal into wholeness. When I am with Maria, I can’t tell where I end, and she begins. Just looking into her eyes makes me feel whole.

Adoration comes from the Latin “to prayer.” From the first night we met and really looked at each other for the first time, I have adored Maria. This is not something I intended or practiced. The feeling just came over me and has never left.  Every day, I come to her with the reverence, anticipation, and joy of a pilgrim coming to prayer.

I enter into our Temple of Erotic Love through my desire for her. In that desire, I am at once a beast and a saint. She knows I want her insatiably and irrepressibly because my desire for her is a desire to be whole. Maybe all desire is. But knowing that it is transmutes desire into something higher: a holy fire that you celebrate and nurture.

Our sex life is Tantric love play, the divine frolic of gods and goddesses. What happens when two embodiments of wholeness intertwine in passionate embrace? The pure radiant essence of life flows through us, an ambrosia of bliss, ecstasy, and delight. As we melt into each other, we channel the awesome creative force of Nature, what physicist David Bohm calls “undivided wholeness in flowing movement.” We are caught up together in the rhythmic spiral heartbeat of creation through which the universe unfolds and enfolds, expands and contracts, merges and emerges.

In a crescendo of cosmic orgasm, we become a single embodiment of Nature’s wholeness. Within us, a universe is being created and annihilated through an endless stream of love and joy. In a climax that transcends space and time, each of us embodies the Fountain of Essence that bursts forth from Nature’s wholeness—from the center of the universe. And our shared essence illuminates all creation with the splendor of existence, which is the remarkable and mysterious privilege we all share.

This Tantric marriage happened because good fortune collided with a lifetime of preparation. Next time, I will share more about the nature of that preparation.

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