You can lean on me

He says

And I feel my whole body surrender

Like it was waiting to….exhale

I am hearing this through the phone but I feel him next to me

I always feel him next to me

But we have created

A space between us

It’s the kind of space that has allowed me to go slow, to take my time, to take baby steps towards

Safety

It’s the kind of space that makes me pause, that reminds me to hold and to have my own space

The kind of space that creates longing,

A burning desire I’ve never felt before

He says he can’t ask me to wait for him

But I do

And I am

But I don’t know what I’m waiting for or why I’m waiting

This space creates an unknown

It doesn’t have a shape

It can’t be defined

By this or that

I fear he holds back

I fear I may not know him at all

I fear he will leave

I’m not going anywhere

He says

But I don’t trust it

Because he has created so much space between us before

like a rubber band that keeps stretching and stretching and stretching

I don’t know when it will snap back

Come back

Come back

Let’s be here

In this space

Together