It’s not that she’s given up on romance, but her past has taught her that it’s better to find ways to love herself and her life than place that power in the hands of someone who never had any intention of staying.

She won’t be found on dating apps or in the darkened light of the corner pub. Whiskey rocks clicking against a glass like wedding bells somewhere in the distance. She’s not going to be found on slips of paper passed into the hands of strangers and she likely won’t even be that mystery date a friend of a friend arranges for you one hot and humid July night.

Because when she says she’s not looking for love, it means she’s not investing into anything that takes her further away from herself. She’s not looking to find her worth reflected back in the attention from dark and exotic eyes. Nor is she willing to say no to what matters so she can say yes to a conversation that only ends with “WYD.”

Loving a woman who isn’t looking for love is as delicate a process as having a butterfly land on your outstretched wrist. For this woman and the butterfly have a lot in common. They both are enjoying the use of their beautiful wings, yet have no idea just how beautiful they are. They’re unconcerned with passersby and are more focused on what they’re doing than anything else.

It’s a process of knowing that just because she isn’t looking for love, it doesn’t mean that she’s closed to it. But because of what she’s built for herself, it will have to look different.

A woman who isn’t looking for love isn’t sitting around waiting to hear from you. She’s not counting the hours since your last text; in fact, she’s already deleted you if it’s been too long. She’s not plotting out responses to your messages or figuring out how to get you to ask her out because she’s sitting outside with friends beside a bonfire tossing sparks of truth into the night sky. Laughter trilling like the call of the cicadas on a summer day. 

A woman who isn’t looking for love isn’t one who is going to be easily enchanted. She looks at you with a tinge of doubt, wondering just how long you’ll stay interested and if you’re as genuine as you’re trying to make her believe. She’s going to infuriate and bewitch you all at the same time. She’s going to break plans for people she knows will always be in her life, and she’s going to test you to see if you actually mean what you say.

A woman who isn’t looking for love isn’t playing hard to get, she actually is. Not because she doesn’t have something wonderful to bring to the table, and not because she isn’t yearning to fall into the softness of your worn shirt against her skin, but because she knows no matter what happens she can never lose herself again. 

She’s going to want to be friends, at least at first. She’s going to want to know your story and she’s not going to take it easy on you. She’s not going to make you feel better about your mistakes, or pretend that you’re fully healed. Instead she’ll be radically honest about herself, about what nightmares still keep her up counting the stars in hopes that what you create together won’t be romanticized, but it’ll be real.

A woman who isn’t looking for love has learned to become the protector she once sought. And because of that she isn’t going to fall in bed with you until she knows her heart is safe with you. She is in tune with her sexuality in the way that flowers don’t blossom year round but when they do, they take your breath away. Yet, her desires no longer rule her choices. Her body is no longer currency in receiving love, and she knows that it’s better to wait than end up wishing that you’d stayed. 

She may not be looking for love, but that’s only because she’s become it. She has one of the most tender hearts you’ve ever seen, and though you won’t find her in any number of places, you will see her out of the corner of your eye bending to pick up a bee that is struggling on the hot pavement. You’ll find her staring out into the sea, unsure if she’s waiting for something or if she’s already found it. You’ll see her helping turtles cross the road, tending to her gardens with dirt on her knees and flowers in her hair. She will be the one smiling at strangers and always willing to say yes if it means helping another.

So maybe she isn’t looking for love or even for you, but that doesn’t mean she won’t take notice. It may take her longer, and you may have to forget everything you’ve previously known, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth it. Because when a woman who isn’t looking for love finally does fall in love with you, it is something that will always last. Whether through the fog of self-growth or the heaviness of days you’re reminded of what it means to be human, she will be there. Imperfect but smiling. Tenderhearted but messy in spirit. Always at home and still searching for the next adventure. Because maybe the greatest paradox is only once she stopped looking for love was she actually finally ready for it.

~

You might like this one too: