Here’s one I’ll file away for future reference, when elephant is pulling billions and I’m inhaling coke insteada mate and driving my Tesla IV too fast and flying around to green conferences in my own private solar-powered jet.

Peta’s Top 5 Humane Rehab Centers. Excerpt:

The Meadows (Arizona): Fresh, organic root veggies, tofu, veggie burgers, and vegetarian casseroles—nope, you’re not hallucinating. Seriously, this is no desert mirage—it’s the real thing! Just ask the A-listers who’ve been cured here, including Kate Moss, Eric Benét, Mike Tyson, Elle McPherson, and Whitney Houston.

Hazelden (Minnesota): The humane delights just keep on comin’ in this haven of tranquility. Garden burgers, veggie chili, veggie riblets, vegetable egg rolls, and sautéed vegetable sandwiches—former guest Aaron Sorkin has impeccable taste.

Passages (Malibu): With daily vegetarian and vegan soups and salads, vegetables, fresh fruit, squeezed juice, hummus, tabouleh, pasta primavera, vegetarian lasagna, wild mushroom pasta, and vegetarian tacos, burritos, and burgers, this is a passage you’ll want to linger around for a very long time—especially if your neighbor is former guest Mel Gibson…for the top two, click over to PETA—