Gentlemen, Wash your Hands!

Via Waylon Lewis
on Apr 19, 2010
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Picture 330Three out of Ten Men Wash their Hands after…handling their Bits & Tackle.

Just one degree removed from shaking his genitalia.

Odds are, that gent who just shook your hand didn’t wash his hands after handling himself in the bathroom.

Every time I leave a movie and go to the bathroom, I wash my hands before leaving like the well-trained momma’s boy that I am.

And, every time, I’m horrified—something like 8 out of 10 gents walk straight out without washing their hands, many of them around, say, 40 or 50 or 60 years old.

And every time I think to myself: that’s 50 years of this gent unzipping himself, doing his thing, then going around turning doorknobs and…shaking hands with everyone.

And, every time, for a day or so after, I take to giving every guy the rock or fistbump.

Turns out my informal guesstimate ain’t far off: major studies show that 2/3 men don’t wash their hands after, you know, handling their bits and tackle.

Bad solution: use Purell.

Solution: Put up lots of wash your hands signs with photos of germs and big warnings mentioning swine flu, getting sick, etc. Watch as said signs have little effect.

Better solution: stop shaking hands, stick to the fistbumb, bow, or move right into hugging and smooching (tres Francais).

Best solution: Stop touching anything that anyone might have touched. Stay home, develop OCD.



About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


16 Responses to “Gentlemen, Wash your Hands!”

  1. Cliff - a guy says:

    The vast majority of mens restrooms that I have been in are not even set up in a sanitary fashion. You have to touch the faucet to shut it off. You have to grab the door knob to get out. The soap container is a filthy mess. Paper towels or dryers may not be available, etc. I have seen only a few where the design was congruent with sanitation and health.

  2. Jerry says:

    ok. So if I walk into a restroom, sidle up to the urinal touching nothing, unzip and handle my reasonably freshly showered body (knowing my parts have been well-behaved and well-protected all day and cleaner than my hands at this point), then zip up as the self-flushing urinal empties, exactly whom have I harmed? If I didn't already feel my hands warranted washing prior to this event, do I need to consume additional water and paper products to make you feel better?

  3. Whats just as disturbing is gentlemen in the workplace who dont, then proceed to the kitchen or common area touch cupboards, the fridge or worse yet, stick their hand in the open snack food. Even if your bits are as clean as a whistle, washing your hands after using any public space is always a good idea. – *fistbump*

  4. Chano says:

    Any self-respecting guy would be sure to wash his hands BEFORE grabbing hold of the old chap…

  5. Desiree says:

    I have found in my experience that they (men) dont flush the toilet either~
    women are gross but men are the grossest. (if that is a word)

  6. Jon says:

    Flushing the toilet should only be done at home when the lid is shut. The action of flushing makes an aerated mist of whatever was in the toilet, so just think about that before you leave your toothbrush and hairbrush and other things next to a toilet. And shut that lid!

    As for the handwashing issue: just do it. What's most important is to make soap and water available in kitchen areas and to use them BEFORE starting to prepare food. For a multitude of sensible but overlooked reasons, kitchens can have more germs than bathrooms.

  7. Ben_Ralston says:

    The vast majority of mens restrooms that I have been in are… f*cking disgusting.

  8. really? says:

    Yawn, EJ goes a little further downhill everyday. WHO CARES? Back to core topics please.

  9. pirtath says:

    Sorry.. But when I use a public washroom i don't touch anything with my bare hands.
    that includes the soap dispenser and the sink.. Why .. because how many woman do you think properly wsh their hands.

    And by the way. My privates/junk are cleaner then any public bathroom. So you should feel proud to shake my hand after i come out of the bathroom.

  10. pirtath says:

    go choke on some cock

  11. pirtath says:

    "I take to giving every guy the rock or fistbump."
    what a fag

  12. kate bee says:

    Hey EJ are you not gonna reprimand the person who suggested desiree 'go choke' on some cock??? I've seen much less offensive comments be reprimanded…. the rest of the discussion is interesting enough..relevant to daily life…I tend not to shake hands..time in India makes you very aware of micro-biology!

  13. […] Wash your hands. You don’t need to go Howard Hughes with this. After the bathroom, before you eat, after blowing your nose or similar are fine. Use common sense. You don’t […]

  14. Stephanie says:

    Nothing about this surprises me, but to add onto it many women don't wash their hands either. I've been in plenty of restrooms where the closets my companions have been to washing their hands is leaning over the sink to reapply make-up. Don't act like it's only the guys who have poor hygiene…

  15. Monkey says:

    I'm also with my genitals being cleaner than a public restroom.
    If anything I will wash my hands before touching my penis than the other way around.

    I mean if a lover is willing to put it in her mouth and other places… what's the problem with my hands touching it? It's not like I pee on my hands, which is probably more sterile than the water in a public toilet anyway!