Catching Thoughts: I played with myself. Did you?

Via Celia Aurora de Blas
on May 6, 2010
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Boys masturbate. Girls masturbate. It’s time we open the topic up even further. Why do we get shy when we talk about sex and masturbation? What is taboo about it?

Two ladies who embrace and explore the sexual realm with open arms are Charu and Ella. I always find their work open, inviting, and inspirational for me to get more open too.


About Celia Aurora de Blas

Celia Aurora de Blas is an Actress, Producer and Yoga Nidra teacher in Los Angeles. By being honest and public about her path in changing herself, she intends to help others by example. "Change is challenging, but it helps when we see others do what we're trying to do. It makes it less scary."


31 Responses to “Catching Thoughts: I played with myself. Did you?”

  1. Plain Jane says:

    Fabulous. I have recently become very open and direct about my own sexuality – not that I've conquered all of those self-imposed/socially imposed taboo-hurtles – and it feels truly empowering. I'd even go so far as to say that by being more upfront and spacious with myself, I am allowing others around me to do the same. This has led to many illuminating conversations, many of which have included no shortage of giggles and big, knowing smiles.

  2. banyan tree says:

    yes, have at it is right! ….. I have a female friend who opened up this topic in a very traditionally male way with me and some other female friends in our early 20s who were extremely uptight. by joking about it and even referring to herself as a sex fiend, and jokingly challenging males in our circle that she bet she was more into herself than they were into themselves…haha she helped everyone. it started a trend. her openness was a positive example because she knew when it was appropriate. but its true, you have to love yourself and know yourself!! its such a healthy thing!…..amen for having the courage to talk openly and inspire others!!

  3. Ella says:

    Aurora, thank you for just being so real and addressing masturbation without flinching at the utterance of the word! The words "masturbation", "penis", "vagina"- they make so many of us clam up and become squeamish. I find in my work and in conversation that our approach to our sexual self has A LOT to do with how it was initially addressed. Dirty is a word that comes up ALL the time in reference to sex for women and it just feeds the fear, the hush the hush, the shame.
    Grounding ourselves in truth, in the body, in the heart, and being in conversation about it is the first step to redefining and empowering one of our juiciest sources/teachers of healing and connection.
    I'm so inspired to talk more about masturbation and our "first contact" with our bodies, it's such a phenomenal topic! Woo hoo indeed! Thank you for the shout out too, I'm gonna reveal some interesting news soon on my blog that has a lot to do with this very subject. Oodles of love! Care Bear Stare Comin' Atcha! xoxo Ella

  4. Jenny says:

    thank you so much for discussing this topic. after my divorce (i was only 24) i decided i need to explore my sexuality more. i became fairly liberated and read many books on the topic to help me understand that sex and masturbating were Ok and natural and not something to be ashamed of. i found some great friends to help me explore further and finally an amazing life partner that is my soulmate. we had a beautiful sexual relationship and our love blossomed into the creation of a child, however, i fear that i am becoming my mother in that i am back to feeling like sex is dirty since i have become a mom myself. i don't want my children to be ashamed of their sexual side. any advice on how to feel sexy and liberated after having children? and how do i make sure i am not passing on the shameful attitude towards sex? thanks for the help and advice!

  5. Catrina says:

    I love when us women can all share about our truths! We need to do this more often and in front of each other too….talk about it that is, not masturbate….unless that is what you are into. Either way, being comfortable with our bodies and our sexuality is a huge step in helping to heal the body image crisis so many of us face.

  6. from
    For the religious who believe masturbation is a sin, I say that if God didn't want us to please ourselves, he wouldn't have put our arms & hands near our sexual organs!

  7. Aurora says:

    For sure, Jane:) I know because my mom was uncomfortable talking about any of it I felt like I had to be secretive. I was shy and didn't give myself the space to explore it more even though I was still honoring my impulses in some way. I went to a workshop last Friday and I mentioned something about my masturbatory habits ( this is why I decided to do this vlog) and the ladies were all giggling and hooting and hollering in a supportive way that opened them up to the possibility of being more open because someone stepped out and said something about it publicly….Good stuff, you:)

  8. Aurora says:

    Your friend sounds like a lot of fun, Banyan:) Say hi to her from me! -Aurora

  9. Aurora says:

    Ah! Ella! So glad you made an appearance:) I'm excited to see what's on tap!

  10. Aurora says:

    Amen, Catrina:)

  11. Aurora says:

    hahaha! Good point! Does that mean oral sex is a no no?

  12. Aurora says:

    I love your process in opening up, Jenny. I had to read that I was normal before I felt comfortable opening up to anyone. I think that some people might be even afraid to venture into reading territory.

    Are you not feeling sexy or liberated because you're judging yourself? Or forgetting that you are still a sexual human being? Or out of protection for your child? Those might be some good questions to ask yourself if you haven't already.

    To initiate an open household towards sex: Start by letting nudity be okay in front of each other, even showering with your kid, just so that it's established that the naked body is a normal and unshameful thing. If you find your child wanting to touch himself/ herself acknowledge it (but don't judge it). Say something like, " It's so much fun to do that, isn't it? When mommy does that ( or daddy) I make "private time" and go into my room and shut the door until I'm done". Something like that might work…or get your kid a toy. A friend of mine noticed that her little girl started rubbing herself on things so she bought her a vibrating egg. She didn't tell her what it was for, but just left it there as a toy and a possibility. Though, which things are okay to masturbate with may be a conversation you want to have. Maybe there are certain things that are humpable…? I used to hump my stuffed duck. It was the thing that brought me the most comfort and so it was natural that it became my pleasure toy.

    And if your child catches you having sex?…Talk about it.

    Remember what you wished for and create it for your child. You're protecting him/ her by making this information and space available rather than hiding. Treat your communication with your kid as you would with your soulmate. You'll know what to say and when.

    I get a sense that you're already on top of it, just afraid that you aren't. Go Jenny!

  13. Aurora says:

    I'm glad you made an appearance here, Ella! Thanks for your awesomeness. I'm excited to see what your news is! -Aurora

  14. Lelani says:

    As someone whose sexuality was hijacked in toddlerhood by an out-of-control adult, I have found it very difficult to open myself sexually with a partner (so far). Fortunately, I have always found it easy to give myself sexual pleasure. At nearly 50 years old, my sexual energy is exquisitely high. Several years of yoga and meditation(following 20-odd years of therapy) have allowed me to feel the energy moving in my body and to feel connected to it in a way that I wasn’t for most of my life. This has significantly heightened my pleasure response.

    I am hopeful that I will enjoy a deliciously sensual/sexual/spiritual bond with a partner soon. But my sex life will always include a hot, sexy love affair with myself!

  15. magnolia says:

    Ya know, as a child around the age of 12 i started masturbating, usually during i showered (used the whole ‘water pressure’ thingy) and i loved it! haha ive opened up to my boyfriend of 3 years, and even a couple of girlfriends of mine, no shame in saying i did it! i didnt loose my virginity until i was 18 years old, so i guess masturbating made me feel free, made me feel happy, and of course made me feel good,
    im 23 now and only masturbate when i really miss my boyfriend, but other than that, i guess im pretty satisfied and don’t feel the need to masturbate! but i will tell you one thing, if i hadn’t masturbated as a kid, i would have been really strung out, considering my family moved around a lot, and most of my high school years i spent in my bedroom crying and wondering why no one wanted to be my friend(it was always because i was too shy)
    but anywho- more power to you if masturbating gets you through the day. i was literally obsessed with doing it, i had to masturbate every time i showered! and my family would be knocking at my door trying to get me outta there! haha but i was definately excited to share my ‘story’, and theres no shame in pleasuring yourself. πŸ™‚

  16. Aurora says:

    Yes, Indeed. From what I understand the urge is quite different and doesn't kick in til a little later, generally. Thanks for your comment!

  17. Aurora says:

    I know what you mean about the excitement of doing something that you're not supposed to be doing, but to me that is something different than feeling empowered. The empowerment part is being able to let yourself act on your sexual urges: If you're excited by it being naughty in some way, then letting yourself fully engage in that experience is the point of empowerment (rather than pretending that it doesn't excite you or cutting yourself off from it in some way. There's no way to fully enjoy in either case).

    As for breathing, urinating and defecating: I couldn't disagree with you more. I do not think any of these things are boring. Excuse me for going here, but ever had to go to the bathroom really badly? That sense of relief afterwards is so pleasurable. And breathing is what we do to exist. If we couldn't breathe, we'd be dead. Ever use your breath to open up a stuck part of your body. It's amazing!

    And as for the tribal cultures: To each his own:)

    Thanks for bringing up these points. Food for thought:)


  18. Aurora says:

    I love this and I love you, Lelani!

  19. Aurora says:

    Thank you for sharing too, Magnolia:) I did the water pressure thing too:) That's a good one:)


  20. Maria says:

    No shame at all, it's so natural and clean to masturbate so keep on doing it ..enjoy the pleasure

  21. […] Catching Thoughts: I played with myself. Did you? | elephant journal […]

  22. Aurora says:

    Check out Ella's 30 day Masturbation challenge!


  23. Soy Sauce says:

    I have a distinct memory of being in the living room with my family and my mom telling me if I need to “scratch myself” I should do it in the bathroom. My response was, “I’m NOT scratching myself!” then there was a really long silence. But I was also a little baby feminist, so I went right into, “Besides, [my brother] can scratch himself wherever he wants and nobody says anything!” I also insisted that I be able to take my shirt off whenever he could.

  24. Kara Noel says:

    There's a high probability that you are a straight male. While straight males are a minority in society, the majority of discourse taking place in this country about sex is coming from straight males about their own preferences and desires. They often view their own sexuality as having a disproportionate amount of importance on what other ppl (read, women) should be doing. It appears you are no different. But thanks for asking.

  25. Adriana says:

    Started when I was probably 4 or 5 – haven’t stopped since. My guess is that the taboo around it is due to the fact that much of our power as women is linked to our sexuality.

  26. Aurora says:

    I like your thoughts on this Adriana:) It can be scary or threatening I suppose……

  27. Aurora says:

    That is true πŸ™‚

  28. Aurora says:

    That's so cool! Are you still upfront about this or has growing up changed your response to your own sexuality?

  29. Rich K says:

    So this may be completely inappropriate to say, but goddamn, that video turned me on. I took your advice immediately.

  30. […] It was liberating and deeply satisfying. I felt like I had stumbled upon the asana equivalent of masturbation after a series of unsatisfying encounters. It was […]