6.9
July 15, 2010

Beware the Locust.

Wolves in Sheep’s clothing: men using spirituality and yoga and do-goodery to get laid. This article, years old now, is newly relephant.

via ele twitter: “Consider yourself warned: The Way of the Douchisattva. His target: The Spiritually Curious Female.”

Editor: “this is one of my favorite articles—a must-read for yoga women everywhere (and men, I guess). If you’ve ever met a sleazebag in sheep’s clothing (or a mala), read and consider sharing. Let this be a warning.

Today, Vanessa (our podcast and video producer, and dear friend) and I were finishing up a long week, tapping away at our laptops at the Trident, when Boulder’s resident guided-missile-at-all-women-all-the-time walked in. We both expressed our…feeling of not-warmth toward him.

Sleazy men. Con artists who study “the Game.” Something about them drives some of us up the wall. I question myself, when I’m around one—why am I so irritated? Am I jealous? Why do I find their habit of inviting-themselves-in-to-every-woman’s-conversations so oppressive?

And then I read this, and feel like I’m not alone. ~ ed.

Lessons I learned from a spiritual d-bag.

Beware the Locust!

Several years ago I had the honor of meeting a young man who had the art of seducing young women down to a science! I take that back…not science…religion.

His target: The Spiritually Curious Female.

His modus operandi was quite brilliant, actually! First, he would find a young woman using his favorite social media. At the time, he preferred MySpace but I suppose any outlet would do. He would search women for signs of a female spiritual wanderer and send them a message. It would usually say something like, “For some reason I was drawn to you so I thought I would just say ‘hello.’ I think you are a beautiful person. Namaste.” No friend request at this time! If she took the bait, she would respond and offer up her friendship. Flirty, spiritual banter would ensue.

And now here’s the key! He would start hanging out not just with her, but with her girl friends. Being so “spiritual” made him “safe.” And they would sleep together. And little would she know that he was making his way through her group of friends. Once he had conquered the group, he would move on.

This is why I call him The Locust!

I learned a lot from The Locust and now, I would like to share with you bits of his teaching.

Things to say and what they mean:

The Locust has some prepared phrases in his arsenal and was never afraid to use them. I never had the pleasure of hearing them come from his mandibles, err, mouth, but here are some phrases he shared with some lovely ladies and their translations.

We have a profound spiritual connection and I think we need to express it by making love. (Let’s do it.)

Let’s not label what we have! Labels are false and once we label our relationship, we try to shape it into our pre-conceived notions. (I don’t want to be your boyfriend so that I can do what I’m doing without technically doing anything wrong.)

I think that we should keep our spiritual exchanges to ourselves. Your friends just aren’t as advanced spiritually and don’t share the connection that you and I have. I would hate to create such dissidence within our group. (I want to be able to do this to all of your friends so keep your trap shut.)

I have studied the Kama Sutra. (Let’s do it.)

Drugs totally open the door to spirituality. Take this. (Let’s get high and do it.)

I think it’s horrible the way that men have treated women in this society. In fact, women are so much stronger than men. In some ways, I envy you. (Introduce me to your friends so we can all do it.)

Things to do:

To keep from crossing the line into straight-up douchebaggery, there are a few things you must keep in mind.

Do not beef up! Do some push-ups and keep your body fat way down but under no circumstances should you be beefy.

Be very effeminate. Sure, regular d-bags primp and wear lip gloss but you have got to be ashamed of being a man. This is key.

Buy tons of drugs and have them on stock.

Read the latest new-age book and be ready to quote it.

Keep a copy of the Kama Sutra next to your bed.

Purchase the Ten Essential Items.

Now I realize that sharing this information can be quite dangerous should it fall into the hands of some nefarious ne’er-do-weller! This technique is very, very powerful and as Spiderman’s Uncle said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

~

Relephant bonus:

 

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Blake Wilson  |  Contribution: 4,460