The Passion of Mel.

Via Alanna Zabel
on Jul 15, 2010
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Did you hear the phone call recordings of Oksana Grigorieva and the assumed Mel Gibson?

I did. Yep, I listened to all five of the five currently publicized. I was surprised at my response when I heard the first recording. I was actually mortified that Oksana would calculate such a manipulative act of luring the foul-mouthed, loudly bigoted Mel into her spy work, all the while comfortably residing at his home; yet I equally understood her desire to prove his aggressive and potentially dangerous nature, as the case may be. But did she have to blast these recordings all over the world? Could these tapes have been handled in a courtroom for the proper authorities to decide appropriate judgment?

I do think so.

Granted, Mel Gibson has some serious issues with volatile ranting, but Oksana did come across with an antagonistic, passive-aggressive attitude on several of these recordings. It sounded like she cut the beginning of the first recording to hide what sounded like Mel calling her back regarding a message she left him about having trouble breast-feeding their child, Lucia (or at least that is what is sounded like.) Although I was disgusted with the escalation of tirade that Mel regressed to, I was trying to hear what he was trying so hard to say and where his pain was stemming from. His outbursts reminded me of a toddler expressing full-body anger due to a lack of properly developed communication skills.

I heard the voice of a man who felt incredibly used, was having financial problems, was feeling the pressure of his other children’s welfare, feeling utter loss, furious at himself for having spent five million dollars on Oksana, disgusted with her lack of appreciation and disappointed with who his girlfriend turned out to be. I could barely listen to all of the recording, as his rage was so hate-filled and utterly inappropriate. But I also heard a teenage boy swear at his mother in the supermarket yesterday in a similar fashion. When a “dependent” is not given what they want, and they are not equipped with proper communication skills and coping mechanisms, they can tend towards disrespectful rage and hurtfulness to deal with their uncomfortable frustration.

Mel appears very co-dependent.

Several other factors also seem to come into play. Loss of security absolutely does induce serious stress. The degree of loss that one feels is equal and opposite to what one had possessed in relation to what one lost. It sounds like Mel may be stretching his once bountiful finances, while his girlfriend continues to make herself at home to what he has left; not to mention the millions he spent on her career. Since all of these were entirely his choice to do so, he should only be angry at himself. Yet, these are the makings for a crime of passion, and let’s take a look at how Mel got lured into such a situation.

In the second publicized recording, Mel sounds like he is starving for love and starving for a woman – like a drug addict for his drug. Glancing over Oksana’s life and career, it does seem that she made a transformation from a passionate, artsy, real woman with a career in music to a plastic surgery ridden wannabe with a sense of self-entitlement. Mel voiced that the latter woman is not who he wanted. Yet, he was trying to make a cow a horse – which simply is not possible. Look at Mel’s first wife. She was real, supportive, loving and private. As lovely as these qualities seem, they very likely enabled him while they were together, which ultimately contributed to the escalation of his childish demands and emotional outbursts that we see in his behaviors without her.

Unlike Mel’s first wife, Oksana used sex to entice him. He sure appears to be a victim to the sexual seduction that manipulative women have the power to use. Sexual withholding from a partner can be very painful. It is as raw of an emotional pain as one can inflict, and we hear this pain in the fourth recording. Again, Mel sounds very childish in his hunger for affection and appreciation. Like many relationships, the assumed nonverbal contract that their relationship seemed to be based on wasn’t balancing out. Mel was reimbursed for what he gave to Oksana through sexual favor. When she withheld the sex, his fury flamed out of control.

I have been a victim of domestic violence. My ex tried to dummy up a charge against me in order to take the light away from the unlawful behavior that he inflicted onto me. I know the agonizing frustration when someone is playing games with your life as a means to win – it is despicable. Like Mel, I got caught up with trying to even up the tally and amend my losses of having been taken by a sociopath. But it only brought me lower into the snake pit, and it only created more loss and pain. So, do you know what I did? I walked away. I walked away with the unjust injuries, the inaccurate blows to my reputation and utter loss. But in the end I won with my refusal to retaliate, and in the end he lost an opportunity to transform ignorance into awareness.

While I was grieving the above-mentioned situation, my therapist said something that initiated my healing process even faster. She told me that she would rather be a victim than a perpetrator. At first I was appalled, thinking that I never wanted to be a victim! But then her sentence sunk into the depth of my soul. I was proud of myself for diffusing the fury of anger within myself instead of inflicting it onto anyone else, including my ex. I was proud of myself for being able to walk away from the loss of physical possessions and personal finances in exchange for my health, happiness and personal integrity. Now, this is what Mel Gibson needs to learn. I believe that Oksana has her equal part in this tragic situation, but Mel’s lack of control perfectly feeds her manipulative tactics. It is a jackpot attraction of dysfunction.<

I really wonder what Oksana’s motivating factor is in this revelation of their personal matters. Since she and Mel are in a custody battle for their child, I wonder if she is pulling tricks as her means to influence getting sole custody? Is she making up the claims of battery? Is she dummying photos, dental reports and manipulating his telephone rants in order to make a case for full custody of their child, not to mention pushing the buttons of an already emotionally unstable man? Or did Mel go so far over the deep end that he succumbed to such hideous behaviors?

I am sure that we will find out more. Similar to the Tiger Woods scandal, each day seems to reveal a little bit more. We get the picture well enough. We can only hope that all parties can salvage a way out of this gross destruction; emerging wise, emotional sate, and striving to provide a nurturing upbringing for their daughter, Lucia.

Is there any irony that her name means, “Born into Light?”


About Alanna Zabel

Alanna Zabel is the founder of AZIAM Yoga. She is passionate about spirituality, health, wellness and fitness. In addition to her Ashtanga, Iyengar and Chopra Yoga certifications, Alanna is both a certified fitness and Pilates instructor. She leads yoga and fitness retreats nationally and internationally, including Yoga Detox retreats, Surf/Yoga retreats and Seva Retreats. Alanna focuses all of her work on the personal self-realization of those she is working with. She holds a double BA in Psychology & Child Development with a minor in Theatre & Dance from the University at Buffalo and is currently working towards her Masters degree. Alanna is the author of As I Am: Where Spirituality Meets Reality has written and illustrated seven children's books, including The Seven Doors, a children's book teaching Deepak Chopra’s, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. Outside the studio and off the mat, Alanna is the designer of AZIAM Active Wear. Alanna has been featured in Self, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, Yoga Fit, People, Life & Style, Harper's Bazaar, Details, Martha Stewart's Whole Living and C - California Style magazines, as well several yoga & fitness productions. For more information on Alanna, please view her website at


18 Responses to “The Passion of Mel.”

  1. Giselle says:

    I don't care what transpired with either of these two…she did what she did no matter anyone's opinion. You could analyze this forever; however, you do not know what you would do in her position (and I know because I have been in an abusive relationship). I'm sure Mel Gibson is not a bad person…no one is all bad or all good; however, he was completely out of line and needs to be held accountable for his "over-the-top", abusive tirades!! He is a public figure and he has to deal with constant publicity…good and bad. No matter what she did, no one deserves that type of abuse…and yes, I realize he may be under tremendous stress, but there is always a better way to deal with it than that!!! I think everything happens for a reason…maybe this is Mel's "wake-up" call to "get back to basics" in his life and focus his time and energy on discovery himself and enjoying all those wonderful children he helped to create!!

  2. TheMC says:

    Oksana did not leak those tapes. Apparently someone else did (or so they say…) someone close to the proceedings.

  3. Alanna Zabel says:

    Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words. i will look for your book! Best to you!

  4. Alanna Zabel says:

    Giselle, I am so sorry to hear that you endured an abusive relationship. As I mentioned in my blog, I too understand from experience. I hope that you are well into your personal healing and self-empowerment. I hope that I did not offend your journey in my analysis of the Mel Gibson public drama. xo

  5. Alanna Zabel says:

    Or so they say……. 🙂

  6. lewis says:

    [email protected]#$t. he is a racist lunatic and there are no excuses for the hate that comes out of his mouth. she may be all the things you said but what does that have to do with the horrible hate he spews?

  7. Kiwi Yogi says:

    Mel and Oksana resonate on the same frequency – which is what brought them together in the first place. They are just expressing each other's disowned parts. They will both grow from these challenges.

  8. Blaming the Victim? says:

    So is Oksana responsible for Mel's racist rants too?

    Are we now saying that it is ok for Mel to act like a lunatic because "she made him do it"

    Mel DIVORCED his wife of almost 30 years because he decided they were not on the "same spiritual ground" because she is not Catholic- you REALLY believe that he is some poor guy who was pushed to far?

  9. JoLinda Van Haren says:

    This just makes me sad for all parties involved.

  10. Alanna Zabel says:

    In no way do I believe that Mel is "some poor guy"… I believe that I expressed disdain for his disgusting and inappropriate rants and he does need help working through his issues.

    I approach my analysis on cause and effect. If I knew more about Oksana's upbringing, it may become more clear as to why she has developed such a dramatic history of being called a "gold-digger" and why she would go to unlawful extremes to make money, equally as much as I looked for reasons causing Mel's maniacal tirade.

    I hope that it is clear that in no way am I condoning his behavior – I am simply suggesting possible reasons as to why….

  11. Alanna Zabel says:

    Well said. 🙂

  12. Alanna Zabel says:

    Thanks Lewis. No doubt Mel has issues with inappropriate ranting and ignorant spewing of hatred towards minority groups that are different from himself – he definitely needs to get those issues in check.

    A reactive, out of control person is easier to understand, because they can't hide anything, and as disturbing as it may be, they are at least being honest. I have less compassion for a person who calculates a malicious plan to lessen the life of another being for their own benefit – that is called a parasite.

  13. elephantjournal says:

    This is now featured on our Front Page, , actually has been last few days. Was gonna email you to say so, but couldn't find your email. I'm waylon at elephantjournal dot com

  14. Well, that's a pretty positive way of looking at it..! Really, it's all about intention or view…if their goal is to win, or just be happy, they may learn next to nothing from it. If their goal is to understand, and open, and be their "true selves," then yes this obstacle could be transformed. I wish them both the best.

  15. Jessica Irvin says:

    I have had many of these same thoughts, Alanna. Listening to the tapes is painful, of course. I believe that Mel most likely divorced his wife because he dishonored their marital agreement and another woman was 2 months pregnant with his child. He compromised his integrity, as you said, and they had to end things. And now his ex-wife is standing up for him and saying that he was never abusive with her or their children for 28 years. That says something about his true character. His career is now ruined which will compromise his responsibilities to his 7 other children, all due to the leaking of these tapes and I, personally, have no doubt that it was Oksana that did the leaking. A sad situation, indeed. It speaks volumes about karma so it will be interesting to see exactly how this all plays out.

  16. Alanna Zabel says:

    Fab news Waylon – thanks for letting me know! 🙂

  17. Alanna Zabel says:

    Indeed!! Good points Jessica….

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