September 11, 2010

Hey Nutjobs, Please Burn My Books Instead.

You Burn it…You Buy it.

The news this morning reported that in addition to the Gainesville goofball more fine Christians are planning on burning Quran’s today. The acts of free speech are planned in Tennessee, Kansas, and Wyoming, which everyone knows are the bastions of common sense and intellectualism. Another headline was that in retaliation to all this Quran roasting, groups of angry Muslims are planning on burning Bibles, and who can blame them, right?

As an author I find all this book burning to be quite thought provoking. Imagine how many copies of the Bible and the Quran are being sold! And even better, they’re going to be destroyed so people will just have to buy more. For a writer that’s like hitting the lottery…the Libricide Lottery.

Since it’s pretty much established that burning a book accomplishes nothing except making you look insane and potentially singeing your knuckle hair I’d like to make a plea to all the pyromaniac pastors and mentally challenged muslims who are filling up their Zippo’s with lighter fluid right now: Please, burn my books instead.

I mean, if your religion really hates the other religion that much that your only course of expression is to light fire to the opposing spiritual scripture, maybe it’s time to take a deep breath and think about what you’re doing first. Because if you’re burning a Quran then you’re buying it first; same with the Bible, and so essentially you’re supporting the very institution you’re mad at by purchasing their product and why in the good lord and Mohammed’s names would you want to do that?

I’ve got two books on Amazon for sale right now, Silly Little Rich Girl, and It’s How You Play the Game. The pastors can burn Silly Little Rich Girl, and they should because in the book I make fun of religious kooks anyway, and the Bible burners can retaliate by igniting It’s How You Play the Game. This way you guys aren’t helping anyone’s agenda, except for mine, and I promise to take the side of whoever burns more of my books.

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