“I hope they speak Norwegian in hell!”

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Secularism: the cause of crime, immorality and war.

With thanks for the tip to Michael S, by way of Tod Brilliant.

Here are some of the surveys the author may have based his strip on:


Relephant bonus:

“We need to understand the inadequacy of an educational system so slanted towards material values. The solution is not to give an occasional lecture, but to integrate ethics into the educational curriculum. To do this effectively requires a secular ethics, free of religious influence, based on common sense, a realistic view and scientific findings.” ~ Dalai Lama

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anonymous Apr 9, 2015 6:05pm

Its not 70 % its 14 % and its not the most peaceful as its more a ware nation, and the unemployment is 3,6 % not below 2.

anonymous May 28, 2014 6:14pm

Well, I LIVE here in Norway, and we have about 10-12% atheists/humanists in norway… NOT 70%!!! That cartoonpropaganda is selling you a lie. The Norwegian Church has about 75% of Norways population as members, which are baptised and confirmated… The rest of the population is spread over other religions and atheism with about 10%. It's interesting how atheism/socialism use LIES in their struggle to defeat religion… Atheism/humanism in Norway is rater hostile to the Norwegian Church, and tries to downplay its role… in the name of Science it seems. But the atheists also believe… in them selves, humanity and science -and as long as we still DO NOT KNOW some of the most fundamental forces in physics(there's about 11 Nobelprices waiting for those who figure it out), even the atheists has their share of belief ๐Ÿ˜‰ Despite the humanism movement was started by a christian, today you can not be a humanist member in Norway and also have a church membership… ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

anonymous May 28, 2014 1:17pm

The funny thing is when they DO speak Norwegian in Hell. Hell is a place in Norway, and yes, they DO have internet connection.

anonymous Jan 22, 2013 1:13pm

The majority of the worlds population is not Christian. I think that is something bible thumpers need to think about.

anonymous Oct 11, 2012 1:23pm

I’ve been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this site. Thanks , I will try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your website?

anonymous Sep 13, 2012 1:51pm

about this norwegians being christians and all, we just ended the connections between the church and the government, also since 1980s 35% of the christian people stopped believing, more or less you see maybe 5-10 people in a church on christmas and most of them are old or polish.

norway is officially not a christian land anymore, and may i add, THANKS FOR NOT BEING A CHRISTIAN LAND!!!

    anonymous May 28, 2014 6:47pm

    That is NOT quite right Chris… Time to actually READ the Norwagian constitution??? http://lovdata.no/dokument/NL/lov/1814-05-17#KAPI

    …And you don't need to go far from downtown Oslo to find churches with a lot more visitors the whole year around…but if you insist on seeing ONLY what you want to…

anonymous Sep 2, 2012 2:00am

i love reading these comments! lots of norwegians commenting on elephantjournal. sheeez, i thought i was the only norwegian reading this blog. anyways, norway, with all her flaws and shortcomings, surely beats most other countries if you're poor, have health issues, and not much of a safety net. by no means perfect, but most def one of the countries in the world where class matters the least. not to the point of being a true meritocracy, but for sure a whole lot less than say USA.

anonymous Sep 1, 2012 5:29pm

Hey – you shouldn't forget that that boy Russell is maybe only 8 years old, and cannot be expected to know everything!

anonymous Aug 31, 2012 9:39am

The article from Aftenposten states that 34% calls themself Atheists. How did you get from that to over 70%?

anonymous Aug 31, 2012 6:04am

I’m Norwegian, and i really don’t think we’re the most peaceful country at all. Who bombed Libya? Norway did! Who makes the ammunition used in Afghanistan and Iraq(and elsewhere)? Norway DO! Norway is a Freemason safe haven, All the police bosses in the biggest cites in Norway, all the media bosses(I call them “bosses” because they are a modern mafia), and lots of others like our prime minister, Stoltenberg, and our prince, Hรฅkon, who has been to Builderberg meetings. And our sky is full of chemtrails from NATO geo-engineering. We’re actually in just as much shit as the US… still a funny comic though, as it is ironic… ๐Ÿ™‚

When the power of love
overcomes the love of power,
the world will know peace.
– Jimi Hendrix

anonymous Aug 30, 2012 7:57pm

love this, funny and cute and 'for real'!

anonymous Aug 30, 2012 3:04pm

It's funny to read all these comments. Most people try to either squeeze in as much facts as possible about our little country as possible, or say that hell is near Trondheim. Well who the fuck cares anyway?
I love my little stupid country, it's certainly better than "big brother" America.

anonymous Aug 30, 2012 2:49am

Yup, we are a nation of atheists, but that is not why norwegians are a happy and peaceful people. It´s because we have a lot of oil. Rich people don´t have too many reasons to be miserable and mean.

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 7:17am

There is a place (town) in Norway called 'Hell'. There is a place in Oslo called 'Helsfyr' meaning the fire of Hell. ๐Ÿ™

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 5:41am

Perhaps an atheist country, but (along with fellow Nordic countries) covering their flag with a cross — however sideways the crosses may be.

anonymous Aug 28, 2012 11:07am

Dear friends, I think there is much confusion about christianity in Norway here. Norway is a deeply religious country – like Denmatrk where I live. My Grandmother is from Norway and my eldest son lives there. In a serious Wikipidia article they write: "Christianity is the largest religion in Norway. Norway has historically been called a Christian country, but according to the most recent Eurobarometer Poll 2005,[1] only 32% of the Norwegian population say they believe there is a God. A majority of the population are members of the Church of Norway. Many Norwegians are secular; while 70% of the population say they have a faith, only 32% practice their respective faith." Like in Denmark the vast majority of the population are members ofr the Christian Church ( in Denmark around 80 %), and the vast majority say they have "faith", allthough many are in doubt about the idea of a God in classic understanding. Norway's very impressive economical datas can partly be explained by the very rich Norwegian oil-felts in the Northsea.

anonymous Aug 28, 2012 7:19am

They DO speak Norwegian in Hell… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Norway

anonymous Aug 27, 2012 7:30am

The bonus funny part, is that there is a place i Norway named 'Hell' http://goo.gl/maps/bCHMw

anonymous Aug 27, 2012 3:02am

Hehe. Its funny cuz its all lies. I live in Norway and 1) there are not 70% atheist here (neither stated in the news or seen on the streets) 2) We are not the most peaceful country (rape epidemic growing number of robberies, random acts of violence suicide drug abuse and most violent terror attack since 9/11), 3) we do get old and then we rot at state homes.

But I bet it confirms some peoples world view and thats the most important thing.

anonymous Aug 26, 2012 3:10pm

Just stating a fact, Norwegian *is* the native language in Hell. Se photo from the railway station Hell not far north of Trondheim: http://adamant.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2… Hell mens "slope" and has probably same root as "hill". We are not 70 % atheist, one third is more correct, including me.

Today I did drive route 666. But it do not end up in Hell…

    anonymous Aug 27, 2012 10:21am

    Haha, you end up in a small hell if you drive route 666 (RV 666 to Flemma).

anonymous Aug 26, 2012 1:32pm

Why is Satan bad , if he punishes bad people???

anonymous Aug 25, 2012 11:54am

The futty thing is that we have a place called Hell in Norway. I drive by often!

anonymous Aug 24, 2012 3:58pm

Hehe, I live just 35 kilometers from Hell, and I visit Hell quite fequently, and Norwegian is the language

anonymous Aug 24, 2012 3:38am

Though I agree with the point this comic is trying to make, as a Norwegian myself I must point out some factual errors. According to Wikipedia, Norway is ranked 4th by GDP per capita. To say that the unemployment rate in Norway is below 2% is nothing but number games. In Norway, unemployed people may apply for unemployment benefits, but to get these money, they have to take part in a program to get back to work. As long as they're part of this program, they are not counted by the statistics as unemployed – ergo the low unemployment percentage.

About life expectancy: Norway is, according to Wikipedia, ranked 15th together with New Zealand (still pretty good, though). First place is Japan, the japanese living on average 6 more years.

anonymous Aug 23, 2012 3:55pm

I think people need to calm a bit down; yes, Norway is more liberal than the US, and is economically more egalitarian. On the other hand, it's very hard to compare the two since the US is a nigh-continent-spanning federation comprising over (iirc) 300 million people of VERY different denominations. Norway has 5 million people in an area smaller than California, the vast majority of which are ethnic Norwegians (with the largest minorities being the Sami people indigenous to the northern parts of Norway, and ethnic Swedes living in Norway – neither of which offer any huge cultural rifts.)
So yeah, while I'm very happy to live in Norway, and am quite content with how things are, there's no need to idealize my country to the extent of it becoming a caricature – and the way we run things are probably not going to work for every country.
And while it's nice to hear that people met with friendly Norwegians while staying here – such comments are generally rather pointless, since trying to evaluate the behaviour of an entire nation based on a few people encountered during a few days' stay is an excersise in futility. We have assholes and we have nice people. As every other nation ever.

anonymous Aug 22, 2012 2:54pm

They do speak norwegian in Hell, it’s a place in the middle of Norway. Check it out on Google Maps ๐Ÿ˜‰

anonymous Aug 21, 2012 6:04pm

I am Norwegian, and I have been to USA several times, due I have travelled Route 66 five times. I would rather pay a little more tax, and get school, higschool, university and hospital for free, compere to pay for everything – including healthinsurity.

anonymous Aug 21, 2012 8:59am

Not to burst anyones bubble, but according to the Norwegian constitutions' second article, the Norwegian values shall be based on our (their) christian and humanitarian legacy.. And according to the foruth article, the king shall shall profess the Evangelical-Lutheran Religion..

Might just be that as long as the formal stuff is in order, peace ensues.. Just sayin'..

By the way, Is it trolling if I'm using actual facts?

    anonymous Aug 23, 2012 4:56pm

    I do hope you know that the norwegian constitution has in fact been changed. Since christianity is no longer the state religion, Norway is a "atheist" country.

      anonymous Aug 30, 2012 3:36pm

      Nope, this is incorrect.
      The constitution of Norway, from may 1814 (the second oldest in the world still in effect, after the US) still states thar Evagelical-Lutheran christendom is the countrys religion, and the king and at least half of the cabinet memnbers must be Evagelical-Lutheran christians….

    anonymous Aug 24, 2012 11:25am

    Ola Dunk (Joe Public) is in fact incorrect. The only christian symbol in Norway is the cross in our flag, and that "christian" is the default state in most public records. I almost forgot our education system. Even 10 years of public school with a religious topic fails to make most people believe in any fucking god.

anonymous Aug 20, 2012 10:39pm

Love this – so very true. As an American with an Norwegian husband, I only hope I can move there someday. America is no place to die, and no place to live for that matter.

anonymous Aug 19, 2012 3:56am

Norway is the most religious of the Nordic countries if I remember correctly – Sweden's atheist rate is 80% I think.

anonymous Aug 18, 2012 12:21pm

selvgode lysmanglende nordlendinger. dra nord og ned.

anonymous Aug 18, 2012 7:57am

There are a lot of non-believers in Norway, and organized Christianity is not very common when you look at the population as a whole, but not attending church does not mean that you're an atheist. According to my experience, agnostisism is the most common view here in Norway.

anonymous Aug 18, 2012 5:21am

In Norway, the Christian Right is in minority! Thank G-d!:)

anonymous Aug 17, 2012 9:13am

Patrick is not telling the truth, most people do not mock religious views. Neither is the comic quite true, although funny-, actually the majority believe in God, but only about 20% stand by the christian creed. (According to the latest polls…..)

    anonymous Aug 21, 2012 2:14pm

    Actually, many of us do. While not directly at the people in question, we laugh silently in our heads at religion as a whole. The best thing about us is that we really don't care what you believe, as long as you don't shove it down our throats ๐Ÿ˜‰

    And the comic is true. Even though most of the people have been (involuntary) initiated into the state church (statskirken), which no longer exists by the way (it was separated from the state recently), by baptism, they don't really believe at all. Some that are strongly against it (like me), have opted out. Some believe there may be something out there, controlling the universe, which makes them agnostic, but they don't follow any of the organized religions.

    And for the record – they probably do speak Norwegian in hell, as Norway is the black metal state of the world. Black metal is one of our biggest exports next to fish and oil… weird, huh? ๐Ÿ™‚

anonymous Aug 17, 2012 6:37am

what Patrick states, is not quite true. we do not laugh of other peoples beliefs, may it be Jesus or Mohammed. the second part is true though, "only in the US" is not used in a positive way. the paradox is that it seems most norwegians would like to live in the US, and those who don`t wants to go there on vacation.

    anonymous Aug 24, 2012 11:19am

    Why go to US, when Canada is so much better. Canada, Norway and Brazil are the best oil based economies we have.

anonymous Aug 17, 2012 6:01am

Hahah, wonderful and true. In Norway we laugh at people mentioning fantasy figures like God, Muhammad and Jesus. We are mostly rational in our everyday life and also laugh at America. The phrase "Only in the US" is used in a negative sense by the common norwegian man or girl ๐Ÿ™‚

anonymous Aug 16, 2012 10:10am

Impressed, but I still got my eye on you EJ. Fun little factoid, there's pretty much a church on every block in DC. AND liquor stores.

anonymous Jan 31, 2011 11:04am

[…] I hope they speak Norwegian in hell!. IMHO, it’s not what you believe but what you do that ultimately matters. […]

anonymous Nov 16, 2010 6:27pm

You know, Norway is one of the kindest places and it treats it’s people quite well. Quite wealthy in culture, personally I have never met a hostile or rude Norwegian or Icelandic person either. They aren’t atheist, they are practical and rather smart, and a lot of mythical beliefs have root in that part of the world.

    anonymous Aug 18, 2012 5:44am

    I'm going to take that to heart! ๐Ÿ˜‰ We are quite friendly in Norway (unless you ride the metro in Oslo where even looking at people is not a very good idea, because they are not used to it at all.)

    anonymous Aug 27, 2012 10:10am

    Yeah, we tell theists that if they don't behave, we'll place them in the woods with the trolls (which have the amazing ability to smell Christian blood, and love eating them). Hahaha ๐Ÿ˜‰

    But thanks, that's very nice to hear! You're more than welcome to come visit us!

anonymous Oct 16, 2010 4:03pm

Shhhh now everybody will want to live there. Lets see them have open immigration and see where they are in 20 years

    anonymous Aug 18, 2012 5:46am

    haha! We wouldn't want that, would we.

    anonymous Aug 19, 2012 5:51am

    Actually, we basically already have open immigration…

    anonymous Aug 26, 2012 5:14pm

    well . . . you know . . we already have open immigration . . so why don`t you come over?? ๐Ÿ™‚

anonymous Oct 14, 2010 2:22pm

sharkbait; Hell is just north of Trondheim. About 25km
And at the train station at Hell there is a sign: Godsekspedisjon. (gods=cargo).
The last Pope was in Norway; but they did not visit Hell. They just drove thru Stjørdal on E6

    anonymous Aug 27, 2012 11:52pm

    The Sign says " Hell station, gods expedition,,"

anonymous Oct 14, 2010 3:15am

Of course, they do speak Norwegian in Hell – it's just south of Trondheim, actually. http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&am

    anonymous Aug 22, 2012 12:29am

    … east of Trondheim, actually….

anonymous Sep 23, 2010 7:56pm

Uff'da ๐Ÿ™‚

    anonymous Oct 13, 2010 4:59am

    That expression has really taken a life of it's own in the US (well, mostly in Minnesota), hasn't it? I hear people use it in all sorts of situations. Funny, since it really just means "ouch" ๐Ÿ™‚

      anonymous Aug 17, 2012 6:35am

      No it doesn't, the meaning of 'uffda' is closer to "oh dear" than "ouch" ๐Ÿ™‚

        anonymous Aug 17, 2012 11:39am

        "Au da" = "ouch" translated more or less directly. However, I would still argue that "Uff da" is closer in meaning to "ouch" than it is to "oh dear".

          anonymous Aug 18, 2012 10:12am

          I use "uffda" as "oh dear" all the time. I don't think I use it as ouch. What kind of situations is it used in the US? Just curious =P

anonymous Sep 23, 2010 5:04am

I speak (and write) Norwegian. am not an atheist and last time I checked I felt I lived in heaven! In America of all places. Go figure!
Mange takk for denne helvetes morsomme tegneserien! (Many thanks for this funny as hell comic strip!)

    anonymous Aug 30, 2012 2:42pm

    dårlig humør eller? rull inn puppen da mannXP

    hilsen atteist:)

    anonymous May 26, 2014 5:11pm

    Ditto-Praise the Lord we are not all like Norway! Go USA! Well I live in heaven in Arizona in the winter and Minnesota in the summer but worship my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in both places.

Ben Ralston Sep 23, 2010 3:58am

Fantastic. If only the right people would see it… and pay attention… and do something about it…

Funny as hell though ๐Ÿ™‚

anonymous Sep 23, 2010 1:27am

They have internet access, but it's dial-up only!!! :p

anonymous Sep 23, 2010 12:43am


anonymous Sep 22, 2010 10:43pm

OMG! Too funny! Oh, I hope they have internet access in hell!

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