“I hope they speak Norwegian in hell!”

Via elephant journal
on Sep 22, 2010
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Secularism: the cause of crime, immorality and war.

With thanks for the tip to Michael S, by way of Tod Brilliant.

Here are some of the surveys the author may have based his strip on:


Relephant bonus:

“We need to understand the inadequacy of an educational system so slanted towards material values. The solution is not to give an occasional lecture, but to integrate ethics into the educational curriculum. To do this effectively requires a secular ethics, free of religious influence, based on common sense, a realistic view and scientific findings.” ~ Dalai Lama


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72 Responses to ““I hope they speak Norwegian in hell!””

  1. jolinda Van Haren says:

    OMG! Too funny! Oh, I hope they have internet access in hell!

  2. Mike Dean says:

    They have internet access, but it's dial-up only!!! :p

  3. Ben Ralston says:

    Fantastic. If only the right people would see it… and pay attention… and do something about it…

    Funny as hell though ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Ramesh says:

    I speak (and write) Norwegian. am not an atheist and last time I checked I felt I lived in heaven! In America of all places. Go figure!
    Mange takk for denne helvetes morsomme tegneserien! (Many thanks for this funny as hell comic strip!)

  5. Nicole says:

    Uff'da ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. sharkbait says:

    Of course, they do speak Norwegian in Hell – it's just south of Trondheim, actually. http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&am

  7. tuluqaq says:

    sharkbait; Hell is just north of Trondheim. About 25km
    And at the train station at Hell there is a sign: Godsekspedisjon. (gods=cargo).
    The last Pope was in Norway; but they did not visit Hell. They just drove thru Stjørdal on E6

  8. snoodles says:

    Shhhh now everybody will want to live there. Lets see them have open immigration and see where they are in 20 years

  9. Noixxz says:

    You know, Norway is one of the kindest places and it treats it’s people quite well. Quite wealthy in culture, personally I have never met a hostile or rude Norwegian or Icelandic person either. They aren’t atheist, they are practical and rather smart, and a lot of mythical beliefs have root in that part of the world.

    • Gina says:

      I'm going to take that to heart! ๐Ÿ˜‰ We are quite friendly in Norway (unless you ride the metro in Oslo where even looking at people is not a very good idea, because they are not used to it at all.)

    • Kristofforify says:

      Yeah, we tell theists that if they don't behave, we'll place them in the woods with the trolls (which have the amazing ability to smell Christian blood, and love eating them). Hahaha ๐Ÿ˜‰

      But thanks, that's very nice to hear! You're more than welcome to come visit us!

  10. […] I hope they speak Norwegian in hell!. IMHO, it’s not what you believe but what you do that ultimately matters. […]

  11. YogaForLiberty says:

    Impressed, but I still got my eye on you EJ. Fun little factoid, there's pretty much a church on every block in DC. AND liquor stores.

  12. Patrick says:

    Hahah, wonderful and true. In Norway we laugh at people mentioning fantasy figures like God, Muhammad and Jesus. We are mostly rational in our everyday life and also laugh at America. The phrase "Only in the US" is used in a negative sense by the common norwegian man or girl ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. Freddy Andrè Raestad says:

    what Patrick states, is not quite true. we do not laugh of other peoples beliefs, may it be Jesus or Mohammed. the second part is true though, "only in the US" is not used in a positive way. the paradox is that it seems most norwegians would like to live in the US, and those who don`t wants to go there on vacation.

  14. hilde says:

    Patrick is not telling the truth, most people do not mock religious views. Neither is the comic quite true, although funny-, actually the majority believe in God, but only about 20% stand by the christian creed. (According to the latest polls…..)

    • Thorium says:

      Actually, many of us do. While not directly at the people in question, we laugh silently in our heads at religion as a whole. The best thing about us is that we really don't care what you believe, as long as you don't shove it down our throats ๐Ÿ˜‰

      And the comic is true. Even though most of the people have been (involuntary) initiated into the state church (statskirken), which no longer exists by the way (it was separated from the state recently), by baptism, they don't really believe at all. Some that are strongly against it (like me), have opted out. Some believe there may be something out there, controlling the universe, which makes them agnostic, but they don't follow any of the organized religions.

      And for the record – they probably do speak Norwegian in hell, as Norway is the black metal state of the world. Black metal is one of our biggest exports next to fish and oil… weird, huh? ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. Marianne says:

    In Norway, the Christian Right is in minority! Thank G-d!:)

  16. There are a lot of non-believers in Norway, and organized Christianity is not very common when you look at the population as a whole, but not attending church does not mean that you're an atheist. According to my experience, agnostisism is the most common view here in Norway.

  17. joe says:

    selvgode lysmanglende nordlendinger. dra nord og ned.

  18. Saladin says:

    Norway is the most religious of the Nordic countries if I remember correctly – Sweden's atheist rate is 80% I think.

  19. Trista says:

    Love this – so very true. As an American with an Norwegian husband, I only hope I can move there someday. America is no place to die, and no place to live for that matter.

  20. Ola Dunk says:

    Not to burst anyones bubble, but according to the Norwegian constitutions' second article, the Norwegian values shall be based on our (their) christian and humanitarian legacy.. And according to the foruth article, the king shall shall profess the Evangelical-Lutheran Religion..

    Might just be that as long as the formal stuff is in order, peace ensues.. Just sayin'..

    By the way, Is it trolling if I'm using actual facts?

    • Nordmann says:

      I do hope you know that the norwegian constitution has in fact been changed. Since christianity is no longer the state religion, Norway is a "atheist" country.

      • Per says:

        Nope, this is incorrect.
        The constitution of Norway, from may 1814 (the second oldest in the world still in effect, after the US) still states thar Evagelical-Lutheran christendom is the countrys religion, and the king and at least half of the cabinet memnbers must be Evagelical-Lutheran christians….

    • @v36ar says:

      Ola Dunk (Joe Public) is in fact incorrect. The only christian symbol in Norway is the cross in our flag, and that "christian" is the default state in most public records. I almost forgot our education system. Even 10 years of public school with a religious topic fails to make most people believe in any fucking god.

  21. Moses says:

    I am Norwegian, and I have been to USA several times, due I have travelled Route 66 five times. I would rather pay a little more tax, and get school, higschool, university and hospital for free, compere to pay for everything – including healthinsurity.

  22. Hakadal says:

    They do speak norwegian in Hell, it’s a place in the middle of Norway. Check it out on Google Maps ๐Ÿ˜‰

  23. Ole says:

    I think people need to calm a bit down; yes, Norway is more liberal than the US, and is economically more egalitarian. On the other hand, it's very hard to compare the two since the US is a nigh-continent-spanning federation comprising over (iirc) 300 million people of VERY different denominations. Norway has 5 million people in an area smaller than California, the vast majority of which are ethnic Norwegians (with the largest minorities being the Sami people indigenous to the northern parts of Norway, and ethnic Swedes living in Norway – neither of which offer any huge cultural rifts.)
    So yeah, while I'm very happy to live in Norway, and am quite content with how things are, there's no need to idealize my country to the extent of it becoming a caricature – and the way we run things are probably not going to work for every country.
    And while it's nice to hear that people met with friendly Norwegians while staying here – such comments are generally rather pointless, since trying to evaluate the behaviour of an entire nation based on a few people encountered during a few days' stay is an excersise in futility. We have assholes and we have nice people. As every other nation ever.

  24. Though I agree with the point this comic is trying to make, as a Norwegian myself I must point out some factual errors. According to Wikipedia, Norway is ranked 4th by GDP per capita. To say that the unemployment rate in Norway is below 2% is nothing but number games. In Norway, unemployed people may apply for unemployment benefits, but to get these money, they have to take part in a program to get back to work. As long as they're part of this program, they are not counted by the statistics as unemployed – ergo the low unemployment percentage.

    About life expectancy: Norway is, according to Wikipedia, ranked 15th together with New Zealand (still pretty good, though). First place is Japan, the japanese living on average 6 more years.

  25. Frode says:

    Hehe, I live just 35 kilometers from Hell, and I visit Hell quite fequently, and Norwegian is the language

  26. Heddy says:

    The futty thing is that we have a place called Hell in Norway. I drive by often!

  27. Erik J says:

    Why is Satan bad , if he punishes bad people???

  28. @carlsbj says:

    Just stating a fact, Norwegian *is* the native language in Hell. Se photo from the railway station Hell not far north of Trondheim: http://adamant.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2… Hell mens "slope" and has probably same root as "hill". We are not 70 % atheist, one third is more correct, including me.

    Today I did drive route 666. But it do not end up in Hell…

  29. AndyAce83 says:

    Hehe. Its funny cuz its all lies. I live in Norway and 1) there are not 70% atheist here (neither stated in the news or seen on the streets) 2) We are not the most peaceful country (rape epidemic growing number of robberies, random acts of violence suicide drug abuse and most violent terror attack since 9/11), 3) we do get old and then we rot at state homes.

    But I bet it confirms some peoples world view and thats the most important thing.

  30. A Norwegian says:

    The bonus funny part, is that there is a place i Norway named 'Hell' http://goo.gl/maps/bCHMw

  31. kåre kråkert says:

    They DO speak Norwegian in Hell… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Norway

  32. Erik Meier Carlsen says:

    Dear friends, I think there is much confusion about christianity in Norway here. Norway is a deeply religious country – like Denmatrk where I live. My Grandmother is from Norway and my eldest son lives there. In a serious Wikipidia article they write: "Christianity is the largest religion in Norway. Norway has historically been called a Christian country, but according to the most recent Eurobarometer Poll 2005,[1] only 32% of the Norwegian population say they believe there is a God. A majority of the population are members of the Church of Norway. Many Norwegians are secular; while 70% of the population say they have a faith, only 32% practice their respective faith." Like in Denmark the vast majority of the population are members ofr the Christian Church ( in Denmark around 80 %), and the vast majority say they have "faith", allthough many are in doubt about the idea of a God in classic understanding. Norway's very impressive economical datas can partly be explained by the very rich Norwegian oil-felts in the Northsea.

  33. phumphf says:

    Perhaps an atheist country, but (along with fellow Nordic countries) covering their flag with a cross — however sideways the crosses may be.

  34. ash says:

    There is a place (town) in Norway called 'Hell'. There is a place in Oslo called 'Helsfyr' meaning the fire of Hell. ๐Ÿ™

  35. Queenofnorway says:

    Yup, we are a nation of atheists, but that is not why norwegians are a happy and peaceful people. It´s because we have a lot of oil. Rich people don´t have too many reasons to be miserable and mean.

  36. Norwegian agnostic says:

    It's funny to read all these comments. Most people try to either squeeze in as much facts as possible about our little country as possible, or say that hell is near Trondheim. Well who the fuck cares anyway?
    I love my little stupid country, it's certainly better than "big brother" America.

  37. love this, funny and cute and 'for real'!

  38. Santos says:

    I’m Norwegian, and i really don’t think we’re the most peaceful country at all. Who bombed Libya? Norway did! Who makes the ammunition used in Afghanistan and Iraq(and elsewhere)? Norway DO! Norway is a Freemason safe haven, All the police bosses in the biggest cites in Norway, all the media bosses(I call them “bosses” because they are a modern mafia), and lots of others like our prime minister, Stoltenberg, and our prince, Hรฅkon, who has been to Builderberg meetings. And our sky is full of chemtrails from NATO geo-engineering. We’re actually in just as much shit as the US… still a funny comic though, as it is ironic… ๐Ÿ™‚

    When the power of love
    overcomes the love of power,
    the world will know peace.
    – Jimi Hendrix

  39. Factfinder says:

    The article from Aftenposten states that 34% calls themself Atheists. How did you get from that to over 70%?

  40. Theresa says:

    Hey – you shouldn't forget that that boy Russell is maybe only 8 years old, and cannot be expected to know everything!

  41. mizbiz says:

    i love reading these comments! lots of norwegians commenting on elephantjournal. sheeez, i thought i was the only norwegian reading this blog. anyways, norway, with all her flaws and shortcomings, surely beats most other countries if you're poor, have health issues, and not much of a safety net. by no means perfect, but most def one of the countries in the world where class matters the least. not to the point of being a true meritocracy, but for sure a whole lot less than say USA.

  42. chris says:

    about this norwegians being christians and all, we just ended the connections between the church and the government, also since 1980s 35% of the christian people stopped believing, more or less you see maybe 5-10 people in a church on christmas and most of them are old or polish.

    norway is officially not a christian land anymore, and may i add, THANKS FOR NOT BEING A CHRISTIAN LAND!!!

  43. I’ve been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this site. Thanks , I will try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your website?

  44. Harold says:

    The majority of the worlds population is not Christian. I think that is something bible thumpers need to think about.

  45. Val says:

    The funny thing is when they DO speak Norwegian in Hell. Hell is a place in Norway, and yes, they DO have internet connection.

  46. Roger Abel says:

    Well, I LIVE here in Norway, and we have about 10-12% atheists/humanists in norway… NOT 70%!!! That cartoonpropaganda is selling you a lie. The Norwegian Church has about 75% of Norways population as members, which are baptised and confirmated… The rest of the population is spread over other religions and atheism with about 10%. It's interesting how atheism/socialism use LIES in their struggle to defeat religion… Atheism/humanism in Norway is rater hostile to the Norwegian Church, and tries to downplay its role… in the name of Science it seems. But the atheists also believe… in them selves, humanity and science -and as long as we still DO NOT KNOW some of the most fundamental forces in physics(there's about 11 Nobelprices waiting for those who figure it out), even the atheists has their share of belief ๐Ÿ˜‰ Despite the humanism movement was started by a christian, today you can not be a humanist member in Norway and also have a church membership… ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

  47. osolheim says:

    Its not 70 % its 14 % and its not the most peaceful as its more a ware nation, and the unemployment is 3,6 % not below 2.

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