Why can’t we just ask?

Via Tamara Star
on Nov 30, 2010
get elephant's newsletter

Via Daily Transformations

I’ve been wasting a lot of energy these last few days wondering about a situation that involves someone in my life. I’ve gone back and forth in my head night after night, day after day playing two opposite scenarios back and forth.  I’ve even begun to stress a bit playing out the less desirable scenario more often and trying to understand how I would deal with it if that one played out.  I’m betting you’ve done the same thing at some point in your life.

On Sunday, I sat with a friend who has been in love with a woman for a while now.

Although she often gives him signs of hope, he is most of the time; left in the dark wondering. The pain was palatable on his face as he shared with me a few of the scenarios in his mind as he tried to make sense of it all.  In that moment; I witnessed the back and forth wondering that wastes oh so much of our energy and time.

So, what if we all just came out in the open and asked the hard questions?  What if we spoke our vulnerabilities out loud and asked vs. wondering?  Sure it’s painfully embarrassing, even awkward at times; but it sure beats the alternative of confusion and wonder.

Do you love me?

In this man’s case: do you want to be with me?

Will you give me a raise?

Will you help me?

Are you thinking of leaving?

Are you drinking? Are you scared? Are you bored? Do you want kids? Are you thinking of laying me off?

Seriously; what if we just played straight with one another? How much energy would be given back to us in our lives if we removed the main energy drain of our crazy mind’s wondering, and just put it all out in the open?

We may not like what we hear, or quite possibly we may be thrilled; but the most important point to remember is that the mystery will be solved~and when light is shed on any situation; wondering  finally stops.  When that wondering fully comes to a halt,  there is a peace that surrounds us. Peace that comes with truth.

Wondering disturbs peace. Peace can’t navigate multiple scenarios in your head. Peace can only come after you’ve been brave; after you asked the hard questions, and when you have finally received clarity regardless of the outcome.

When you struggle with wondering, clarity IS the door to peace in all scenarios.


~photo by dcodrin from freedigitalphotos .net


About Tamara Star

Tamara Star believes happiness is not an end destination, but instead the ability to see the ordinary through eyes of wonder. Want her free tips and tricks for health, happiness and love? Click here. Receive her free 3 video series for clearing the slate for more love & happiness. Click here. She's an international best-selling author and the creator of the original 40-day Personal reboot program for women--a 6 week virtual deep dive into clearing the slate on what's blocking you. Registration is open NOW here. Tamara's global reach inspires women around the world through her programs, newsletters, and teachings. She's been featured on SiriusXM radio, Good Morning America, former Oprah producer LeGrande Green's GetBOLD radio, Dr. Brenda Wade's GoodLove Radio, Daybreak USA and News Australia. Connect with Tamara on her websiteFacebook or Twitter. Tamara's work had been translated into 6 languages and featured on The Huffington Post, MindBodyGreen, Positively Positive, Yahoo News, The News.com Australia, The Good Men Project, and Yoga Anonymous.


5 Responses to “Why can’t we just ask?”

  1. Shasheen says:

    Wonderful piece Tamera! A friend of mine just sent this over to me. With the following message "I thought of The Pink Elephant Project when I read this. Of course I am also reminded of oh-so-many unresolved issues in all of our lives. This theme is a familiar one."

    When you get moment I would love for you to check out http://www.pinkelephantproject.com as well as http://pinkelephantproject.blogspot.com/

    I started the Pink Elephant Project to deal with such questions and address the unspoken conversation that we all have in our lives. Would love to connect with you to discuss further.

    Thanks so much for putting this work out there! It is this awareness that I believe the world needs! 🙂

    From the heart


  2. Tamara says:

    Wow thank you Shasheen. I checked out your site and your writing….we're beating the same drum for sure.

    I love your writing by the way… You might resonate with this one big time. http://www.dailytransformations.com/shut-your-tra

    I had it posted up here but took it down as I felt i was beating my drum too loudly on one subject..(LOL, the irony eh? There i go again editing my truth!)

    Yes, reach out if you would.

  3. BenRiggs says:

    This is one of those things that is so simple… so straight forward… and so over looked. Just being honest. But somewhere along the way I picked up the idea that dancing around the issue and being awkward is somehow a better way to communicate. Thanks Tamara.

  4. timful says:

    I think we do not ask because, like Steve says, the real answer is always changing. Unrequited love grows so pointed only because it cannot change, stuck up against a roadblock as it is. It is certain and static only because it is stuck. Once set free it will evolve in ways that we ourselves cannot know, let alone answer to another. That is a joint production. When and what we ask is part of that production, not a discovery of what is already there.

    But, great point about ending the obsessive navigation of multiple scenarios. The real answer is always "none of the above." Another person's "story" can never be the one you made up for them, if only because one mind cannot contain another mind.

  5. Tamara says:

    thank YOU for being brave enough to ask and open enough to accept the answer. I appreciate your sharing.