A Few More Things That Still Suck About My Yoga Practice.

Via Mark Kreloff
on Jan 4, 2011
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I can’t tell if it was just plain coincidence or the result of my incessant ranting but 2010 ending up being a transformational year for my beloved yoga studio.

No more loud cocktail parties in the hallway during Savasana.  That sweaty hot class that ends just before mine starts now gets a regular mop-up.  My recurring monthly auto-withdrawal deal has resulted in an average class price of under $8.

Nirvana you say? I’m almost there:

Not being greeted with yogic pleasantries upon check in. Hey I really don’t care if your boyfriend wants to have an “open relationship.”  Please don’t scowl at me when I check in.

Teacher Training Adjustments. Please put your teacher training students to work by requiring them to provide adjustments in every class to people like me.   That thing you do when I’m in down dog feels really good.

Water fountain should be converted to a Coconut Water fountain. Forget my idea about putting a filter between me and the municipal water department. I’m sure that Zico (now partly-owned by Coca-Cola) would love to use this as a way to up-sell me to Coke Zero.

Men’s toilet needs a floating target. I’m in bare feet and I have to stand near this thing?

Teachers that say “Take the opposite grip that you are used to using.” Well, I’ve been using the opposite grip for the last two classes so should I use the opposite of the opposite grip (my regular grip) or just the opposite again?

The yoga collective that never seems to leave the studio. Congratulations on receiving your certificate in yoga instruction from Dr. Yogi Swami Krishna Goldberg.  It’s none of my business, but don’t you think that taking five classes a day is pushing the limits of your new status?

Ignoring the serious humor of a yoga fart. (Especially when it punctuates a teacher’s instruction).  To the serious and totally mature yogis and yoginis: so sorry that I can’t stop my uncontrollable giggles and that my immaturity has ruined your class!

To all of my favorite teachers….Cara, Jason. Matt, Trista, Tunde and snowboarding friend/Ganesha-loving Stephanie.  Thanks for the dedication and joy you bring to my classes!



About Mark Kreloff

Mark Kreloff is an entrepreneur in Boulder, Colorado. He started his yoga practice 10 years ago with a “donation only” class in Santa Monica taught by Bryan Kest. To this day, it was the best class he has ever taken in his life.


9 Responses to “A Few More Things That Still Suck About My Yoga Practice.”

  1. elephantjournal says:

    Zac M: good list, what is it with grown men not being able to pee into a huge toilet? and yoga farts are funny, smelly but funny 🙂

  2. BenRiggs says:

    Ignoring the serious humor of a yoga fart…. Ha! Love it. Also, some of the commentary or guidance offered by the teachers is ridiculous… Or perhaps they are stressing their "God Voice" a bit too much! Thanks for the post. I enjoyed it.

  3. Great stuff Mark – thanks!

  4. elephantjournal says:

    Nina P: Bryan Kest donation classes with over 100 other students on a Sunday afternoon with Santa Monica breezes as a gift for completiing the class? Nothing has been better.

  5. mark k says:

    totally agree with you!

  6. […] Elephant Journal’s favorite yoga humorist, Mark Kreloff, my yoga practice is far from perfect. But the problem doesn’t lie with my yoga studio or […]

  7. AlpineLily says:

    "Teacher Training Adjustments. Please put your teacher training students to work by requiring them to provide adjustments in every class to people like me. That thing you do when I’m in down dog feels really good."

    Until a "student-in-training" is FULLY qualified they should NEVER EVER randomly go around and make adjustments to people! They could seriously injure somebody if they are not fully educated yet and especially since they are unlikely to be aware of existing injuries a client may have (since most people only inform their actual teacher of the class) that may be preventing them from fully moving into a position at that time- this has actually happened to me and created a prolonged injury to become even worse because it was aggravated by this "help".

  8. Hmm, coconut water fountains, yes! what an amazing idea, love it!

  9. star says:

    Student's in training shouldn't be teaching. If you don't know how to do your adjustments, you shouldn't teach. That's like a saying it's okay for a doctor to go into surgery but not know cpr. seriously! Get trained FULLY or don't teach. Don't practice on our bodies please.