Via Emma Magenta
on Feb 10, 2011
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nainam chindanti sastrani
nainam dahati pavakah
na caiman kledayantyapo
na sosayati matutah

I found out about my grapefruit-sized ovarian cyst in August.

At the time, I was viscerally terrified of “going under the knife”. To my relief, my doctors decided to wait for some other medical issues to resolve first. Six months later, I went to the ER in terrible pain, and it became clear that we couldn’t wait anymore. I went home to collect my things and sleep before my surgery, and turned to one of my favorite books, Paths to God by Ram Dass.

Ram Dass was once a Harvard Sociology professor named Richard Alpert. Then he dropped a lot of acid with Timothy Leary and discovered that he liked the experience of altered consciousness. Later he discovered that yoga and spirituality brought him to an even more expansive state. He acquired a guru, left/was fired from his teaching position, and embarked on a very different life from the one his parents originally mapped out for him.

I love reading Ram Dass for his humility, his humor, his authenticity, his lack of pretense. He is a passionate mystic, yet he came from the same milieu that I live in now: a comfortable suburb of a major American city. Dick Alpert was “one of us”, a well-educated, middle-class, conventional person, who evolved into something…different. Just like my students, who are mostly householders with traditional vocations, evolving through yoga.

Paths to God is a sort of Bhagavad Gita study guide. One anecdote in this book particularly speaks to me. Ram Dass explains that his mother and father had a tradition of exchanging a single red rose on their anniversary. On the day of his mother’s funeral, her casket was covered in roses, and as they wheeled it past the family pew, a single red rose fell at his father’s feet. Ram Dass says that his whole family, normally very conservative and “uptight”, agreed that their mother had sent their father one last rose. It’s a very beautiful moment.

Then everybody gets really concerned with how they’re going to preserve the rose. Ram Dass describes its journey: his father contacts a company who seals the rose in some kind of material that is guaranteed to preserve it forever. But it doesn’t quite work and after a few years, the rose starts to disintegrate. Then his father remarries and the rose gets hidden away. Ram Dass rescues it from the attic and keeps on his puja for a few years. Finally he moves and it gets lost in the shuffle.

You know this Helen Keller quote? “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched—they must be felt with the heart.” Lovely, yes? I don’t quite align with this because she uses a superlative; I think of spirit and matter as being on the same spectrum, rather than in a hierarchy. The material world has plenty of beauty and goodness in it (other people, ripe peaches, sunsets, cherry blossoms, Kandinsky paintings, Hatha yoga), and it’s not a competition. But I love the quote anyway, because it points to the idea that this world is more than what you can see and touch. The “more” isn’t better. But yeah, it’s more.

In Ram Dass’s story, his father loses sight of/falls out of touch with the more. Preserving the rose was a totally unsatisfactory attempt to preserve something unseen, untouchable: the connection of the heart in that marriage.

After my surgery, I thought a lot about what had happened to the material of my body. It had been cut open, the muscles of my abdomen had been clamped back, my ovary had been removed from the body and cut open, the sides of the ovary had been peeled back away from the cyst, then the ovary had been stitched back up, re-inserted, then all those other tissues had been stitched up with layers and layers of stitches. All the while drugs that are normally illegal were fed into my bloodstream through a tube in my arm, and a machine did my breathing for me. The material of my body went through a horrible, horrible trauma.

I thought a lot about these things, and I thought about this beautiful passage from the Bhagavad Gita.

Know that that by which all this universe
Is pervaded is indeed indestructible.

Weapons do not pierce it,
Fire does not burn it,
Water does not wet it,
Nor does the wind cause it to wither.

This is eternal, all pervading, fixed;
This is unmoving and primeval.

There are some things that the surgeon’s knife can’t touch. There’s a part of this universe, a part of you and me, that is beyond injury, illness, decay, or death. Untouchable, except by the heart.


About Emma Magenta

Emma Magenta is a yoga teacher and writer living in New Jersey. She grew up on a sheep farm in Kansas and attended Bryn Mawr College. She owns and operates South Mountain Yoga studio in South Orange, NJ with her husband. You can find out more about her on her website, emmamagentayoga.com.


13 Responses to “Untouchable.”

  1. yogiclarebear says:

    So lovely Emma. I adore the Helen Keller quote musings…that "ethereal" doesn't have to compete with "tangible."

  2. Welcome to Elephant, Emma. Thanks for this wonderful review.

    This is one of my favorite books, too. although I find it to be alternately exhilarating and troublesome. Exhilarating because of its masterful analysis of the Gita, troublesome because of Dass' embrace of drugs, guru worship, and paranormal phenomena.

    Bob W.
    Yoga Editor

  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by joeyeoman and elephantjournal.com, Red Fox. Red Fox said: Untouchable http://bit.ly/eWizP9 […]

  4. Vanita says:

    That is a lovely post, Emma. Thank you.

  5. Hi, Vanita.

    I don't know if he gave up drugs or not, but the book itself openly endorses LSD as an alternative path to enlightenment. There's even an appendix about how to do it right.

    It's not the idea of a guru in itself that bothers me, but rather the extreme sublimation of one's own judgment to the judgement of another.

    All these things are just my personal preferences, though. I certainly have no problem with Dass or anyone else having other viewpoints.

    Thanks for commenting.

    Bob W.
    Yoga Editor

  6. Emma says:

    Thanks yogiclare!

  7. Emma says:

    Thanks for reading, Juliss & Vanita!

  8. Hi, Emma. I wish I had written "extreme guru worship" from the start. I don't see anything unhealthy about venerating a teacher/guru and having a picture of him or her.

    It's when you can't think for yourself because the guru's calling all the shots in your life that I get queasy.

    And now of course I'll be looking forward to that post you mentioned!

  9. Lovely homage to Ram Dass, Emma. I have to correct two facts though. I hope you don't mind.

    1. Re: "Ram Dass was once a Harvard Sociology professor named Richard Alpert." He was a psychologist, not a sociologist.

    2. Re: "He acquired a guru, left/was fired from his teaching position, and embarked on a very different life from the one his parents originally mapped out for him." He was actually fired several years before going to India and meeting Neem Karoli Baba.

  10. Dominique says:

    I love what feels to me like an invitaton to love the otherworldy as well as that which is right there before us. I think this is especially important when our lives get shook up and it can be hard to find enough comfort in the tangible or even in our most exquisite memories. Furthermore, I like to envision and imagine that which enlivens everything before us . Maybe it is just me because I particlurly like to swoon about things. Most especially, thank you for your expression of what held meaning in a difficult scenario.

  11. Emma says:

    Thanks Phil!