Have you heard that the end of the world, aka The Rapture, is coming? According to a Christian Group called Family Radio it’s happening this coming Saturday, May 21 at about 6pm local time. I know so because busloads of the faithful have descended on New York City (where I work) and are handling out pamphlets telling me to get ready for the big event.

I just read the brochure, and let’s just say some bad stuff is about to go down. Using some convoluted math that’s tied into biblical scripture, the brochure warns that on Saturday “earthquakes will ravage the whole world” and “death will be everywhere”. Unless you happen to be “a saved individual” who “will leave this world to forever be with the Lord”—which means you’ll be raised up bodily into heaven for a personal rendezvous with Jesus.

What about your pets, you ask. “Can Fido or Tigger come with me when I’m called to my heavenly home?” Unfortunately, not. But if you go to the Web site After the Rapture Pet Care, you’ll see you have nothing to worry about. Because for a fee, a team of volunteer, non-Christian pet caretakers will step in to take care of your beloved cat, dog or parakeet even after you’ve departed.

So you’ve got nothing to worry about—unless of course, you don’t anticipate being chosen for The Rapture. But there’s still time to get on the invite list. As the brochure explains, just “read the bible with all your family (especially your children); and along with your reading…pray to the merciful and gracious God of the Bible that he might deliver you from the approaching destruction.”

Me, I think I’ll take a pass. (I’ve got plans Sunday.)