2.9

Unrequited love, the video. {NSFW}

Louis CK will break the heart of every genuine man who watches this.

If you love a girl and she doesn’t love you back, that’s not love. You’re looking at your own projection & chasing something she’s not.

~

I’ve been there. You’ve been there. If you haven’t been there, you’re not human. Many women, in my dating life, have loved and wanted me. Often, I haven’t loved or wanted them back. Many women, in my dating life, I’ve loved and wanted. Often, they haven’t loved or wanted me back. And when two people love and want one another at the same time? Luck. But it doesn’t last. That’s not real love.

Real love is non-aggression: not pushing your projection or love onto someone else, or if you’re on the receiving end not accepting that push, nor pushing back.

Right now, I have all these sorts of situations in my life. I’m confused. So I don’t do much. I wait until there seems to be a genuine, open, grounded, uplifted person on the other end. Then I make the call.

Chasing a woman, or a man for that matter, is overrated. Real love doesn’t need to be chased: it needs, simply, to be expressed. And that’s what I respect about Louis CK, here: he expresses it, asks for love in return, doesn’t get it, and is “okay” with that. He doesn’t kick and scream and resent—resentment is, too often, the other side of the coin of putting a woman on a pedestal. Our projections are our responsibilities—no woman, or man, is perfect, or the answer to our loneliness or problems.

True love is even better: it’s real, it’s ordinary, it’s extra-ordinary, it’s every day, it’s…sh***t, I don’t know. It’s many things more that I look forward to finding out about. ~ ed.

Friend-zoned, the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji1XWAaZekQ

A few relephant comments from Reddit.

…Ending was sad but true. I was waiting for some cliche’ moment where she kisses him then everyone lives happily ever after.

Love ain’t like that. Fucking sucks.

~

This video is proof of what is wrong with a lot of men. She’s never going to love you no matter what. She doesn’t see you like that. You make her feel awkward and uncomfortable trying to fit something that doesnt work, and you put her on this imaginary pedistal that just makes you look silly.

Now shes’ got this chump that gets to follow her around everywhere like a lost puppy, to boost her ego whenever she needs it. Meanwhile you’re wasting precious time of your life putting time and energy into a woman who’s only going to use you to inflate her self worth.

Fuck that.

~

I recommend this: https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy

I also recommend working through it with a counselor or therapist or whatever. One that doesn’t suck.

I say these things because you sound like an old me. These things helped me.

Also, some of my realizations: She is not as great as she seems. She will not solve all the problems, even though it seems like she will. It doesn’t work like that. I couldn’t have a healthy relationship until I let go of those ideas and became ok with being single.

~

It’s not more complicated for a depressed person, the solution is the same.

Get the fuck off your couch, stop waiting for the phone to ring, and do something, anything, that makes you happy. And if you don’t know what makes you happy, try paintball guns, or building model airplanes, or writing music reviews, or just anything that sounds like it may be remotely fun in another world.

I was kicked out of my house at 19 for being depressed about codependent relationships, and after not having a place to stay for a week in January in the north east, I said fuck it, moved to Florida, worked in fast food for a few months trying to find a better job, got a better job, have friends, and am farther from where I was a year ago then I’d ever thought I can be.

Every second of if it in the beginning was excruciatingly painful. Could not stop thinking about the people I had left behind, or the people that left me behind, about the girl, the friends, the semester at college that I pissed away, etc. All while working over night shifts at a sonic while looking for other work during the day to keep myself afloat. No car. No financial help from anyone. Every second of that misery was worth it. In fact, I’d suffer twice as much if I had to in order to find the happiness I’ve found today.

Other woman don’t find depressed and codependent men attractive. When I feel like the fucking man, I am the fucking man.

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Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of Elephant Journal & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat.” Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword’s Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by “Greatist”, Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: “the mindful life” beyond the choir & to all those who didn’t know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, touches on modern relationships from a Buddhist point of view. His dream of 9 years, the Elephant “Ecosystem” will find a way to pay 1,000s of writers a month, helping reverse the tide of low-quality, unpaid writing & reading for free online.