November 14, 2011

Dear Love, I Quit. Amen: Detaching to Connect. ~ Kathryn Lou

Who doesn’t want “A Sunday Kind of Love?”

“Quit” is my matter-of-fact way of saying I surrender, I submit. Nothing has brought me to my knees and back to reality like unrequited love.

When it comes to romantic love, I can see why folks use affirmations like “I am a love magnet” or other mental and emotional strategies to manifest their special companion.

It’s just that, for me, I haven’t been able to take that route without becoming neurotic and depressed when love doesn’t appear as quickly as I want, the way I want. I’ve had deep connections with amazing men, but it’s always been short-lived—not what I wanted, not healthy commitment.

And, I finally realized that maybe “partnerlessness” is bigger than my unresolved trust issues or subconscious belief that good things aren’t meant to last. Just because our intentions don’t manifest when we want them to, doesn’t mean we’re doing everything majorly wrong—maybe it’s just timing. So, when it comes to me mentally and emotionally quitting the romantic stuff, I’m not saying that love wins and I lose; rather, love is in control and I’m not.

Last month I took some time to meditate on my career; thoughts on relationships came to me instead. Afterwards, I wrote my “Man Prayer”:

Dear God,

I desire companionship. If it’s your will, please show him to me and let me receive him with an open heart, detachment from my past and authenticity. If it’s not your will at this time, please help me understand the root of this desire and allow me to make peace with your will.

I know, first and always, I am yours.


In wanting the “Sunday Kind of Love” Etta James sings about, I’m trying to live up to one of my favorite Marianne Williamson quotes: “The first thing to remember is that God’s plan works. The second thing to remember is that yours doesn’t.”

It’ll happen because I let go, it’ll happen when it’s time, it’ll happen when it’s right.





Kathryn Lou is chief writer and editress for Live Unchained Blogozine (liveunchained.com/blog) and developing an arts non-profit of the same name, featuring works by women across Africa and the diaspora. Artistry, entrepreneurship and spiritual wisdom inspire her writings. She is a doctoral student in sociology and stays PhD (pure, hungry and driven) when it comes to travel, yoga, and creative projects. Follow her on Twitter (twitter.com/kathrynlou9), check out her organization’s Facebook Page (facebook.com/iliveunchained) and drop her an e-mail ([email protected]) to keep the conversation going.

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