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10 Funny Zen Buddhist Jokes, 0 Punchlines.

Zen has a funny reputation…seriously.

Everyone’s very serious and uptight…and at the same time, the great Zen teachers are famous for their irreverent troublemaking humor. I guess the view at the top of the mountain of our own foolish path is…equal parts sad and funny.

A cursory understanding of Buddhism and Zen will be helpful to understand a few of these…not that it matters either way, since all is nothingness…so we might as well laugh about it.

~

1.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three – one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.

~

2.

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bugger all.

~

3.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

~

4.

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment
will be the least of your problems.

~

5.

Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip… joy.
With the second… satisfaction.
With the third, peace.
With the fourth, a danish.

~

6.

A young woman asked Suzuki Roshi after a talk, “Roshi, sometimes when I’m trying to decide what I should do, I ask myself, ‘In this case, what would Roshi do?’ Should I continue that practice?”
Roshi answered, “Then should I also ask myself, ‘What would Roshi do?’

~

7.

One zen student said, “My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating.”
The second said, “My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep.”
The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”

~

8.

Q: How much “ego” do you need?
A: Just enough so that you don’t step in front of a bus.
~ Shunryu Suzuki

~

9.

“I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.”

— Gautama Buddha

~

10.

If there is no self,
whose arthritis is this?

 

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Will R Sep 27, 2014 1:16pm

So a Zen Master goes to a Hot Dog Stand hands the vendor a $20 and says Make me one with everything. He eats the hot dog and asks the vendor where is my change. The vendor replies Change must come from within

Mike Feb 18, 2014 10:31am

Hahaha really funny jokes 😀

David Freiman | My Good Life Yoga Feb 17, 2014 11:30am

Attributions? I believe some were lifted from copyrighted material. I recognize a few from "Zen Judaism"
Here is a favorite:

Be here now. Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?"
~~~Zen Judaism: For You, A Little Enlightenment – David M. Bader

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