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December 4, 2011

10 Funny Zen Buddhist Jokes, 0 Punchlines.

Zen has a funny reputation…seriously.

Everyone’s very serious and uptight…and at the same time, the great Zen teachers are famous for their irreverent troublemaking humor. I guess the view at the top of the mountain of our own foolish path is…equal parts sad and funny.

A cursory understanding of Buddhism and Zen will be helpful to understand a few of these…not that it matters either way, since all is nothingness…so we might as well laugh about it.

~

1.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three – one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.

~

2.

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bugger all.

~

3.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

~

4.

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment
will be the least of your problems.

~

5.

Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip… joy.
With the second… satisfaction.
With the third, peace.
With the fourth, a danish.

~

6.

A young woman asked Suzuki Roshi after a talk, “Roshi, sometimes when I’m trying to decide what I should do, I ask myself, ‘In this case, what would Roshi do?’ Should I continue that practice?”
Roshi answered, “Then should I also ask myself, ‘What would Roshi do?’

~

7.

One zen student said, “My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating.”
The second said, “My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep.”
The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”

~

8.

Q: How much “ego” do you need?
A: Just enough so that you don’t step in front of a bus.
~ Shunryu Suzuki

~

9.

“I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.”

— Gautama Buddha

~

10.

If there is no self,
whose arthritis is this?

 

Waylon Lewis

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