Eco Boy vs. Yoga Girl: The Cure is Naked.

Via Waylon Lewis
on Dec 8, 2011
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The Continuing Adventures of Eco Boy vs. Yoga Girl.

“The below is an excerpt of a forthcoming novella. It’s autobiographical fiction (with the emphasis on fiction). Book forthcoming in Spring 2012, the first from elephant journal press.”

“The most direct way to destroy an altruistic human being is to threaten their ability to be good. These humans are creatures not driven by money or sex or candy or any sweet thing. These humans are creatures driven by joy and pain—inspiration and empathy. Threaten these human’s ability to be of benefit—and you take away their reason to live.” ~ Dr. Willard Evans

He’d caught Him.

Wasn’t sure if it was God Himself, or just the magical elves who were responsible for forming him out of clay back in the day, but he’d woken up this morning and He or they’d forgotten to put his face back together. It was a big amorphous lump with a few eyes set clumsily in the middle of it, like a snowman out of Calvin & Hobbes.

He’d been working the night before, until late—3, 4 am—as he’d done most nights for 8 months straight since She Who Must Not Be Named had moved out. Somehow, naively, he figured that working all the time kept him safe. Not sure of the logic on that—but it was better than going out and dating and being paranoid he’d run into She, or, more likely, she’d run into him. “I’m not traumatized, he explained jocularly one morning to his barista, when said barista’d asked him about She—”‘traumatized’ implies it’s my issue. It’s more like PTSD.”

He was staring at his playdough face in the mirror, about to shower (hoping his face would reform into the Eco Boy he knew and loved) when his home’s doorbell rang. He froze, as if he’d been tazed.

It was just the Fed Ex lady, though, the one who loved Blue, his dog, and she had two packages for Eco Boy and one treat for the pooch. But his body’s visceral, inadvertent reaction was enough to let him know the sad truth: 9 months after She Who Must Not Be Named, he was walking on tip toes, walking on egg shells, afraid, tense, scared.

Man up, a friend had told him, lovingly. Stand tall and take a deep breath. It was good advice, and wholly naive.

There’s only one cure for an Onslaught of Crazy, a Siege of Psycho: and in Eco Boy’s case, he didn’t know what that cure was. He was fcuked.

But he did have a faint image in his mind, and she was that stranger in that cafe, the one with the too-big black yoga mat…and in his PTSD-reverie, standing with amorphous face in front of his front door with two packages in hand and a happy munching dog and the door open to the cold world, wrapped in a huge white yellow green red vintage striped blanket—that cure was naked.


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


7 Responses to “Eco Boy vs. Yoga Girl: The Cure is Naked.”

  1. Naked is always a good cure for what ails you. Love it. Glad the excerpts are becoming more frequent!

  2. Andréa Balt says:

    Too short. I want more. But I like Naked. And I love how descriptive he gets. But, I'm a bit confused. She With No Name is not Yoga Girl, right? But She's not Serial Killer either, right? I thought Yoga Girl came after Serial Killer…

    You know what I think? I think you should add two more characters to the novel, based on Kate and me. I think we should be let in. It doesn't really matter under what role; just let us in so we can change some things as we please. I don't want to just give my opinion, I want to do things, be alive, like a real piece of fiction, you know? I'd like to be Dog's sitter. 🙂

  3. Haha!! Yes! Can we take care of Red…er…Blue?

  4. meredithjpotter says:

    I like "PTSD-reverie."

  5. plarson67 says:

    I don't get it.

  6. Larry says:

    Nice bit of writing…. makes me want to read it all…. where are the previous installments archived?

  7. […] The Continuing Adventures of Eco Boy vs. Yoga Girl. […]