I’ve been soliciting your photos left and right. Bellies, bellies, everywhere. A project, a campaign, a movement brewing. Still in the seed stages and planted with love and light, but where in this mix of excitement is my belly? In spearheading this project I need to step forward and show my truth, my softness and my vulnerability.
I’ve spent several days putting this off. My belly just didn’t feel right. Anxiety, a stomach ache, happiness, any emotion basically rendered my belly unsuitable for photos. I knew that once I figured out the self-timer on my camera and clicked away I would have to face the pictures. I know I would start to pick myself apart and no matter the feeling that was present when the picture was taken I was sure it would dissipate as soon as I looked. Maybe it wouldn’t be body shape or size; maybe I wouldn’t like my skin tone, my moles, or maybe I would be able to see some hair on my skin. In addition to being fat-less we are supposed to be hairless humans right? Never-mind that we indeed are mammals.
I took my belly pictures two days ago. As anticipated all the above happened when I looked. I stared and I judged myself, something I don’t do with any of the pictures that I am receiving. I look at all those and see their beauty and their uniqueness. If I am really am going to put this part of myself out there then it needs to look perfect, right?
My Photoshop application beckoned to me. I thought of all the functions I could use to change my reality or maybe I could just take these pictures another day. The lighting wasn’t right, maybe I would look better after yoga or a workout.
No. I can’t.
Reality is what I’m after and reality is what I present. Take it or leave it.
This is after all yoga right?