January 23, 2012

Did You Hear What Happened? ~ Jeri Senor

(Photo: Tumblr)











Things got a little crazy at the farmers’ market the other day.


“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.”

– Mother Teresa

Okay, so there was this crazy guy who came into the farmers’ market the other day, and started yelling all kinds of crap about the financial system and greed. He was really pissed off. He was kicking the tables over and the vegetables and fruit went flying this way and that. The kids were scared to death, clinging onto their shocked mothers with wide eyes and tears. Even the men were terrified.

This guy was a real nut case. He had long stringy dark hair and a beard (probably a pot smoking hippie) was dark skinned (figures) wore clothes that were way too big (probably to hide a gun or something, who knows?) and—get this–he had no shoes on. Now, I wasn’t there, but I heard about it from someone who heard about it from someone whose sister’s daughter’s boyfriend’s dad’s neighbor was there, so it has to be true.

And, then it was on the news. I didn’t actually see the news either, but they always get things right. I mean it is the news after all, and as they often say about this kind of whacked out behavior…you can’t make these things up. Anyway, this lunatic was obviously over-the-top. His zeal could have gotten someone killed. Now, mind you, I have my passions too, but they are passions of the heart.

You know what I mean. I volunteer for the food pantry and I have oftentimes found myself going a little over the speed limit to get to the pantry in time to help dole out food to the poor. The manager of the food pantry actually asked me to stop volunteering for a while because she thought I was a bit over-zealous. I told her how she could make the food pantry better…more efficient, if she would start the pantry earlier in the day so that all those who showed up, could get their meal before it got dark, and then those of us who volunteered could be home in time for supper with our families. She did not take too well to my suggestion. After a month or so, to my relief, she did let me come back. I mean, I have always had a soft spot for those who are hungry.

But I digress. Let’s see, where was I… oh yeah, this freak at the Farmer’s Market seemed to get off on spewing forth a litany of accusations against those who were selling their stuff. He was obviously a commie socialist or something. I am not at all sure what that is, but that is what everyone is saying, and when that many people are saying the same thing, well, I just don’t think it could possibly be wrong.

I have also heard speculation that, although this fellow didn’t actually do anything that was against the law, he was probably gonna get arrested due to the nature of his suspicious behavior. I mean how dumb can you be to go out in public and start yelling and creating all kinds of commotion and not think you are gonna get into some trouble. I mean, forget the law at this point, right?

I think I also heard, cannot remember where or even if I heard it for sure, that he has done this kind of thing before. Someone reported that she had seen him hanging around with the lowest of low: poor people, girls on the streets, thieves, etc. Guess that would make sense. I mean this kind of obsessive behavior does not make for many friends or at least not the right kind of friends, if you get my drift.


He apparently goes around telling people what he thinks, and how what they are doing is wrong. The gall! He holds his head high, does not shy away from anything from what I have heard. And, though he is a said to be really out there, he does seem to be intelligent (as dangerous people usually are).

I just feel disgusted by this guy, and I do not think that it is wrong to judge him by his looks and clothing. How else are we to discern what is going on in someone’s head? He should realize that when you don’t cut your hair and trim your beard you are going to stand out and people are gonna talk. Add to that the no shoes thing? I mean, come on kid, get a life. The more I think on it, the madder I get. Call me self-righteous, but I would never do the things he has done. He is messed up. I mean, this freak stirs things up and makes people uncomfortable.

The authorities apparently don’t like him, and that’s good enough for me. We all know how the authorities only have the public’s best interest at hand.

Except for the time the British army killed those Hindus (or were they Muslims?) when they were peacefully gathering to talk about self-rule some many years ago during Gandhi’s rise. On the army’s behalf, let me just say, they thought they were quelling an uprising. Now, I know there were kids there, but you just cannot let the people rise up. Good grief, the havoc that would create. And we all know that whites are far more capable of governing than those of a darker skin color. Besides, people sometimes have to be sacrificed for the good of the whole. Now, I don’t like it any more than any of you do, but it is just the way it is. And, frankly, those Indians or Pakistanis or whatever they were, should have known better.)

Back to my point, we feel safer when the authorities are alert…call it a little too ready to spring into action, but that is what we pay them to do.

And let’s face it, we can all feel somewhat better about ourselves when we see these kind of crazies out there because we know we are not like them (forget that we gossip… it’s just true stuff anyway, tell small white lies… they are small after all, cut off cars in traffic… we all have a bad day every now and again, and besides everyone does it, and such).

So what if we are not perfect. At least we don’t go around scaring people with ideas that are anti-American. We can all let out a sigh of relief that our innocently ingrained bad deeds are relatively harmless.

Oh, could you hold on just a minute, I’m getting a text. It’s probably an update about this over-zealous, long-haired, bare-footed, rabble rousing, hippie Socialist son of a bitch.

Yep. Good grief–seems he is in custody! Seems he isn’t resisting, rather quiet and calm (that’s really weird… definitely guilty, any normal person would be panicking by now). Hold on, there is more. Uh, yea, here it comes. Oh, Looks like folks are outside the courthouse demanding he be put to death. Thankfully, we the people still have some power. What a relief. Now that is justice. Oh, and seems he goes by the name (he must be Mexican, probably here illegally) Jesus.




Jeri Senor is a lover of the underdog as she herself is one. She doesn’t usually write satire, but sometimes she just gets all puffed up and rather than burst into a million gazillion pieces and float all over the place, she opts to write and let go of a little steam. She can be reached at [email protected].

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