January 8, 2012

Enlightenment for Man is Becoming a Woman.

Rebecca Lansky

An examination of the feminine side of the equation of being a man.

I recently read an article by Arjuna Ardagh titled “Why it is Wise to Worship Women.” He talks about the importance of understanding the power of a woman through his reverent relationship towards his wife. He then guides readers to follow certain steps that will manifest such a partnership. I found myself agreeing with everything he said. What caught my attention was not his timeless message, but instead the comments of his readers, Many of which were very upset.

Some argued worshipping was placing more value on the other, creating an unequal relationship. Others were distressed over Ardagh’s claims that he had found love. Still more were displeased with the idea of following his guidelines. With all the differences in discontent, the common theme I took away from Ardagh’s Web 2.0 debate was fear.


Of course, this fear manifested in various forms, but all of it spoke to the fear of change. We have been accustomed to a certain paradigm of thought for the entirety of the known human existence. This frame of thought is defined as masculine. Throughout history, culture has time and time again shown dissent from the feminine, placing value in masculine subjectivity. Science invalidates wisdom, technology trumps tradition, and information eclipses intuition. The world has, for quite some time, leaned solely one-way: towards the direct nature of man.

So it should have been of no surprise to witness such defensive backlash and justification against the points Ardagh made. Yet, I was still shocked. So many people, as articulate as they had come across, were just hiding their fear of accepting a new paradigm of femininity.  Holding onto whatever rules they created or ideas they subscribed to, many missed the entire point of the article.

In worshipping the feminine, we are not destroying, devaluing or undermining masculinity. We are empowering it. Certain limitations are obvious in either solely feminine or solely masculine thought, but, as a man, I can only speak of my own.  Intuition, surrendering, acceptance and unconditional love are all hard-pressed areas for men. As Ardagh pointed out, there is much a man can learn from a woman. In the process of adoration, man surrenders his faults and learns to foster his missing half, his femininity.

In today’s society, it is extremely rare that one try to cultivate one’s wholeness through learning about the other sex. Restricted by taboo, constructs of sexuality and other societal pressures, many live their life not understanding who they fully are. In many cases these imbalances lead to emotional instabilities, conditions and blockages.


As a man in search of his femininity, I have come to understand that all of the answers to my problems such as anger, control and ultimately fear are resolved in surrendering to the matriarchal knowledge. In this realm, there is strength unlike anything I have ever experienced. It is powerful, assertive and understanding. It is not dominant or overbearing. Its completeness is sound and comforting. It is rare that I experience such a moment, but when I do it is as if I have found the lost pieces to the puzzle of me.

I understand many are skeptical and fearful of learning to change. I was subject to all the same pressure placed upon exploring my femininity. One such fear was the idea of losing my masculinity.  In society, exploring my womanhood would be the “gayest” thing to do. Yet, what I found was I grew more confident in my identity as a man the more I understood what it was like to be a woman.

I, of course, am still unraveling this discovery and will most likely be doing so for the remainder of my life. I am not sure it is something that ever ends, much like our experience as a soul. What I do know is that I have been able to find inner peace and greater self-love through worshiping the women in my life. Many say that the lives we live are chosen by our souls in order to learn a specific lesson. I believe that the all men are souls determined to understand the language of the woman, bringing wholeness to their existence.

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James Feb 7, 2014 8:03am

Dear Matt,

I'm happy to see your article and I think it makes several wonderful points. However, I think there's a significant difference between adoring women, valuing the feminine and the notion that a man should become, act, or express himself like a woman.

In my experience at least, there seems to be a cultural shift happening whereby women are becoming more masculine and men are becoming more feminine. This is some kind of misguided understanding of the difference between equal rights and equality. Men and women should definitely have equal rights and equal opportunities. However, they are not equal in the sense that they are not the same. We should not be striving to try to have women be men or men be women. The issue here seems to be one of balance as opposed to oppression of one mode in favor of the other.

The result of this misunderstanding seems to be men who don't know how to be men in the positive sense of masculine quality and expression and women who don't know how to be women. Men who are indecisive, wishy-washy, unconfident, and way too soft. In the same way, women who are aggressive and have begun adopting masculine qualities that don't seem to work or bring fulfilment.

As you noted in your article, this is some kind of backlash or attempt to address the vast over-emphasis of yang in our world cultural history and it's suppression and domination of yin as it ascended. However, I believe the adjustment that needs to be made isn't to convert masculine energy to feminine, a process of becoming, but for a dispelling of ignorance which seems to be held by the culture and yang oriented individuals. This is essentially that the two are completely interdependent and don't function well when out of balance. Masculine worshipping and supporting feminine is not something necessary to compensate for imbalance but is, rather, a natural expression of that energy. It is a balanced man's natural way of dancing with a balanced woman and vice versa. The reason it works is because it accords with the actual nature, not because it is an effective technique to fix something.

Of course, this opens up a lot of gender / sex issues and there will be people who feel marginalized because they don't like being pitched in a certain role due to their sex. I'm not saying that women must definitely be feminine and men must only be masculine. There is this energy in both sexes and each individual must of course understand what is natural to them and fulfilling to them. My argument isn't that no man should express himself in a feminine way, just that the cultural bias towards pretending the sexes are equal has resulted in too many men trying to be this way and likewise too many women.

This has been an expression of one person's opinion 🙂


Arjuna Ardagh Jan 14, 2014 9:18pm

Great article, Matt. We must talk sometime soon!

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Matt Wallace

Matt Wallace is a food studies grad student and Kundalini yoga teacher exploring the connections between food and consciousness. A California native recently transplanted in NYC, Matt has taken on the definition of the urban yogi. A vegan and intentional eater, his work often aims to expand the depths of our food consciousness. You can follow him here.