January 6, 2012

People Who Make Yoga Suck. ~ Brie Doyle

Yoga is all about peace. But it can make you realllly mad.

For more: 10 Characters you may Encounter in Yoga Class.

Yoga on its own is amazing.  Really.  But there are plenty of assh*les out there to ensure that it blows goats for the rest of us.  Thank you for making yoga suck:

People who put their mats right in front of you.  I’m talking right the f*ck in front.  I’m glad you made it to your yoga class on time, a little early even.  And good for you for securing a space before the rush.  But seriously?  Apparently yoga hasn’t taught you d*ck about self-awareness.

Teachers who blast techno.  Cool.  So at 40 you are still dropping E and enjoying the rave scene.  Good.  But honestly, I’d rather not pay 17 dollars to watch you trip balls and call it class.  Thanks, though.

Sweaty, hairy back man.  It’s okay to have hair allll over your back, and sweat all over your hair.  You can’t help it.  And you don’t suck quite as much as the rest of the people on this list.  But if I’m honest, it still blows to have you next to me.  Consider bringing extra towels to place around you so your drippings don’t touch my mat please.  Mmm-k?

Naked singing-dancing in the mirror girl.  Yes, you have a nice body.  And yes, you even have a nice voice.  it appears that your personality sucks.  Seriously, it doesn’t take that long to dry your hair while naked.  Step away from the mirror, b*tch.  Also, please don’t talk to me because I can’t continue to pretend I’m looking at your eyes while your ta-tas give me the f*cking stare down.  Christ.

College kids.  Just in general.

The overly loud breather.  Good job cultivating whatever the f*ck you’re cultivating.  We hear you loud and clear.  But you breathing that loud makes me hold my breath.  You’re totally f*cking it up for the rest of us.

White teachers who only speak in Sanskrit.  Look around, Homie.  We’re pretty much all white here. We’re your people.  And no one knows what the f*ck you’re saying.  Save your circus act for someone else.

Thank you, People Who Make Yoga Suck.

Though pretentious yuppies abound in Brie’s home town of Boulder, Colorado, she can’t seem to find another place she’d rather live. But she’s been fortunate enough to try many places. From NYC to New Zealand, SE Asia, Japan, Nepal and India, Brie has traveled the world seeking adventure and stories to share. Pre-babies, she was a middle school teacher and a yoga teacher, but now that she is pumping out children, she stays at home and writes. She has written two novels, one based in India, one based in New York, and she is furiously seeking publication. In the meantime, she can be found making light of life here.

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