January 23, 2012

Twice upon a time: not so fairy tales for women in their fifties.

It’s true: life is not a fairy tale. There is no Prince Charming and who the f*** has the time to clean a castle? Seriously have you seen how big those things are? Why would anybody want to live in a castle: they’re cold and drafty and big and huge and usually far away from anything cool that’s happening in town.

I went to a castle in Ireland many years ago : Kilbritain Castle which is one of the oldest in all of the land. This was the stuff that fairy tales were made of but alas the story took a turn for the worse. The good and kind landowner ends of being killed in a plane crash on the last day he had his pilot’s license and the castle is sold to the lowest (and only) bidders a few years later. Actually there is a very cool story that goes along with this castle but I’m not sharing that one now. Sorry folks.

I used to believe in once upon a times. In fact when I was a little girl I used to spend a lot of time dreaming about what it’d be like to live in a house with other people and have a pretty dress (or ten) and eat fancy food and play in a very big yard with my oh so lovely dappled grey pony.
My life as a little girl was pleasant despite the abuse I was exposed to. My family loved me the best they could.I had friends with whom I could share some (not all) of my secrets and we lived in a comfy little home with nice neighbors.

Like all of life, the fairy tale turns bitter sometimes. There is no Prince Charming coming to scoop you away on his steed even if you did believe that when you got married. Doesn’t it just suck when you realize that  the dream you had for your life with this wonderful person is just not possible? Really..think about it…it’s kinda dangerous to have a moat with kids around you know? And if Prince Charming was away all the time fighting the crusaders and other bad guys then who would be helping you with the kids?

Gosh can you imagine what life must have been like for The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe? Crikey..she had so many kids she didn’t know what to do and where’s her Prince Charming in all of this? Out doing what guys on steeds do probably: fighting the great fight away from home for many a day.I wonder which was worse: the fights on the fields or the fights he’d encounter when he finally did return home.

See that’s the thing really: you can’t have things both ways. If you want a Prince Charming he has to do what Prince Charming guys do and that probably means he’ll be away a lot. If you want a guy who can find his way out of anything you’re probably going to be lost a lot and forced to live on bread crumbs. If you want a guy who says he can build anything,and he will to keep you safe, you may end up with a house of straw that any old wolf can blow down.







Once upon a time is great when you’re ten.

When you’re twenty you may believe the fairy tale and marry somebody who you think is your Prince Charming.

When you hit your thirties you’re probably too busy with kids/family/career stuff that you don’t really even notice that he’s not really up to his Prince Charming moniker, but then again, you’re so exhausted maybe it’s you.

Forty rolls around with a lot of change: teenagers and shifts in relationships. Time to sort of sit back and wonder what this is all about. Who changed? Where did Prince Charming go? How come I don’t feel the same way as I did when I was twenty?

By the time you hit fifty you realize the truth: there never was a Prince Charming, you made it all up and boy was it ever hard for your guy to live up to that. He’s tired of trying to play the game and you’re tired of holding him to it.

Fifty year olds want truth. They don’t want fairy tales in their relationships. Fifty year olds want authentic lives: they don’t want a closet full of princess dresses and drafty castles to keep clean. Fifty year olds want passion in all areas of their lives: the kind of passion that drives one to spend a day doing something they love and then getting right back at it the next day. Fifty year olds want connection on a soul to soul level.

Here’s the good news…once upon a time is dead.

Twice upon a time is your chance to connect back to you: not the princess but the real you.
What a gift that is.
If you’ve lived to see your fifties you now have the opportunity of a lifetime to set the record straight. No more made up stories just you in all your naked joy. (kinda like the emporer’s clothes I guess but this time people won’t lie) How cool is that?

So now you have the gift what’s the very first thing you’re going to do with it? Be fearless and have fun in the twice upon a time years.

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