What is this whole yoga dance about?
What is my intention here? What am I doing and where am I headed? I find it so helpful to ask these types of questions on the spiritual path. When we ask these questions, it solidifies our intention and direction on the spiritual path. And often, if we are not clear in our intention, we find ourselves in the confusing landscape of modern spirituality. It is helpful to inquiry into what this path or this life is really about for us. If we don’t deeply ask and reflect upon this question, we will be prey to the hopes and fears of our habitual and conditioned egoic consciousness or the whims of the circus of modern day spirituality. There is so much out there; but if it does not resonate with the depths of our hearts, we may end up spinning our wheels in Samsara.
Today, I was at a yoga workshop; a very advanced training with arm balances and inversions. I had no business being there, I am not so good at yoga. I normally sit for hours on Sunday mornings; meditation has always been my path. But this morning, I cut my meditation short and ran off to an advanced Anusara yoga workshop. My inner voice told me it was the wrong thing to do; yet today I decided to not listen. It is not that there was anything wrong with the workshop or the teacher; I was the one who was not listening to my inner voice and was headed into a confusing landscape.
When I approach any class or meditation retreat or teacher for the first time, I ask, “What does this have to do with Freedom, with Awakening?” I ask this because, ever since I heard the word freedom, this is what the path has been about for me. As I sat there in this class, I began to wonder “what am I doing here?” I love yoga as a path to awakening; I have a great respect for the Yogic path. But the yoga that I am speaking about is union with and surrender to the Divine; which I often find is quite different than what most folks call yoga. It is not that there is anything wrong with different paths or versions of yoga. But yoga is only meaningful to me, if it is about waking up from egoic consciousness. I know that different people are attracted to different things and have different focuses in life. But as we go through life; an important question to ask is, what do I really want, what is this life about for me? And if the highest answer that comes from our heart is to have a good healthy yoga body, then go for it. Likewise if the highest movement in us is for freedom, then align your life with freedom.
So as I struggled in this yoga class, I began to reflect on what brought me here. I had this idea that yoga would be good for my stiff body. But as the class went on, I began to wonder what all this yogic acrobatics was all about. We ended up spending a few hours trying to do some very difficult inversions. I looked around the room and wondered, if I was in a circus camp. Yet none of the people looked like they belonged in the circus. It was a typical yoga crowd, who like me, were struggling greatly with the arm balance inversion with a twist, I think it was called %#[email protected]$asana. What I wondered was, what does an arm balance inversion with a twist have to do with awakening or freedom? I have often asked myself the same question when on Tibetan Buddhist retreats, what does all this imaginary and visualization and moving energy have to do with the Divine? And for me this day, I could not make much of a connection between falling on my face and freedom. So I decided to just be myself, and as I relaxed in my own being; I gave up any expectation of landing these complicated arm balance inversions. As I let go, I felt an expanse and a unity; Life came alive before my eyes. I began to see God all around me. I saw God in the eyes of the circus performers. But as I tried to do my circus trick, I fell on my face and laughed and cried; and it was as if God was laughing and crying through me….