I have been that asshole in class teaching “Let it Go” too many times to count, and when I hear these words come out of another teacher’s mouth, I cringe. I apologize profusely, please forgive me.
I don’t know about you, but no matter how much I want to let go of something — a person, place, thing, situation — even if I know it’s harmful to me and others, it’s not going to happen right then and there for me. Even if I am making amends, changing my ways, doing hot sweaty yoga 5 hours a day, it’s not going to happen just because I want it to or someone asked me to or is telling me to. My ego’s script just keeps on going, holding its grip on me and everything outside of me. So who am I to tell you to let it go? I don’t even know what you’re holding on to. Maybe you need to hold on to that, mofo. I don’t know.
To me, “Looking at It,” rather than “Letting It Go” seems more authentic and gives this poor bastard (me) half a chance and a better shot at healing. Because that’s what we’re trying to do here. We are trying to heal and become whole. As a teacher, I can’t do that for you. I can’t tell you how to do it, when, where, why, nothing. Seeing what’s there, looking at all that is there, rather than sweeping it under the rug. Because that’s what I am doing when I “Let it go.” I am avoiding it, whatever it is, I am keeping it in and stuffing it down deep. I am not letting go of a damn thing. I am delaying the inevitable. It’s going to come up and out and return over and over and over again, until I fucking look at it and shine the Gillette stadium lights on it and love that it’s even there in the first place!
I’ll give you an example. I am not above getting loaded. The farther away I am from my last drink, the closer I am to the next one. That’s a fact. I do the 12 steps to keep me away from my next drink because left to my own devices, I might not make it back. I, by myself, and because some other poor bastard told me to, could not let my obsession go. What did happen, though, was I looked at it, this obsession, and I cried my eyes out, for two years. It took me two years to come to the conclusion that I had no control over it and nothing humanly possible could save me from it.
I had to love it. I had to acknowledge it. I had to forgive myself for thinking I could give anything up on my own. The gift I received from this two year process was I gave up nothing. It gave me up. When I acknowledged there was a power greater than myself, I was relieved of the obsession to drink. And it doesn’t stop there. I am relieved daily from anything my ego mind is obsessing on if I do the work. “I Die Daily” to my ego is my work. The 12 Laws of Transformation is my work. The 12 Steps are my work. Calling myself out is my work. Seeing my part in it is my work. Seeing My Part in it. I am complicit, I am in agreement on some level to whatever it is.
I see my part in this. I forgive myself for this mistake. I forgive myself for telling myself and you to “Let It Go.” I just didn’t know any better. I still don’t.
Forgive me, when you are good and ready to.
edited by Greg Eckard
Sharon Marie is currently certified as a RYT-200 Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga Teacher, certified Yoga Life Coach, certified Yoga Body Bootcamp Trainer and Personal Trainer. With over 12 years experience in the fitness industry and the healing arts, Sharon Marie has been able to blend all that she loves and is passionate about into powerful, transformational, long lasting and life changing programs and workshops for people of all ages, all walks of life, all over the country. You can follow Sharon on Twitter @SharonMarieYoga and on Facebook for the latest up to date classes and workshops.